Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I am in desperate need of advice. My inability to let go of my husband's past is causing a rift in our marriage and a decline in my health. We've been married for a year and generally have a happy relationship. I know he loves me and would never be unfaithful … but here is my problem. I always believed you should wait until marriage for sex. Naturally, I was intimidated when my husband told me he'd had over 100 sex partners in his lifetime, and that he'd been engaged twice before me and had loved these women very much. He often compares me to one of them and, while arguing, has told me he wished he could go back to her because she is so much better in bed than I am. He's told me (not while we were arguing, I might add) that he does think about her and what life would be like had he ended up with her.

I have been so stressed about this that at times I lose my appetite and get depressed to the point where I don't even want to speak or look at my husband. I cry myself to sleep sometimes just thinking about the things he has said to me. I've been working so hard to make myself beautiful for him and to cater to his needs, but he still brags about his past to his buddies and brings it up in arguments. I have asked him to please respect me enough to not say such things while I am in the room, but he seems to forget and does it anyway. After we argue, he claims he only says those things because he knows they upset me, and that he loves me and no one else. How am I supposed to forget his past if he keeps bringing it up? — Trying To Forget

Dear Try: What an insensitive and insecure swine you've ended up with. This is not normal, friendly, loving behavior, and short of inviting him to go see if what's-her-name is still available, I would ask him the following questions: Why in the world would he want to upset you? What does he think he is doing for the marriage by throwing all the comparisons in your face? If he is exceptionally dim, you might book a few sessions with a couples counselor to help him understand.

When a Co-Worker's Judgment Is Somewhere Between Bad and Nonexistent

Dear Margo: I have an uncomfortable situation at work. There is a group of ladies who share the same break time as mine. There are five of us in total. Four of us stick to "work appropriate" topics such as the weather, plans for the weekend, the workload, etc. One of us, we'll call her "Patti," seems to have an affinity for going off on tangents that are both offensive and narrow-minded. One of my co-workers is pregnant, and as we were talking about how wonderful she looked (you know, the pregnancy glow), Patti started ranting about abortions and how they are murder. She loves to yell (quite literally) about her religion, and how it is the only way to live. Those are the topics just from this week. How do I handle this out-of-control co-worker? I would like a polite way to tell her that I don't share her views, nor do I think they are appropriate workplace conversation. — Fed Up

Dear Fed: I am not sure why people are reticent to speak up when something is clearly uncomfortable. What I suggest you tell Mary Sunshine is that her political and religious rants are not what you want to listen to on your break. Tell her to save her incendiary topics for a different group of people. If she can't get a grip and play nice, then go where she is not for your break. — Margo, insistently

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

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