Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

21 drinks of alcohol (21 shots or 21 beers) is a fatal dose. It will lead to alcohol poisoning and death. Your body simply cannot process that much alcohol at once. Don't do it. At the very least, you will suffer severe brain damage. You can get more information here. If I were you, I'd have ONE drink to celebrate turning 21 (I had absolutely NONE on my 21st and stayed away from the bar entirely)....if you take your friends up on that challenge, you will not make it to 22. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070827221011AA3SbQS

21 drinks of alcohol (21 shots or 21 beers) is a fatal dose. It will lead to alcohol poisoning and death. Your body simply cannot process that much alcohol at once. Don't do it. At the very least, you will suffer severe brain damage. You can get more information here. If I were you, I'd have ONE drink to celebrate turning 21 (I had absolutely NONE on my 21st and stayed away from the bar entirely)....if you take your friends up on that challenge, you will not make it to 22. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070827221011AA3SbQS

21 shots of hard liquor and 21 bongs of beer is not "double" the normal amount - it is more like 10-20 times the normal amount! One or two drinks should be more than enough to enjoy the evening.

Almost 21, What is wrong with celebrating by going with a few very close friends to a really nice restaurant, getting a really special meal, and ordering ONE really nice fancy drink? You will probably have a very good time, it would be far more adult in behavior than getting drunk in a bar, and your memories of 21 will not consist of a trip to the emergency room and a hangover.

LW1 wants to know how she should "handle it" as far as her daughter and her five year relationship with a young man LW1 has grown to dislike? The correct answer is Ann Lander's advice of MYOB! This daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, good or bad, and the parents need to stay out of it. Just because the daughter lives at home doesn't give the parents license to meddle in her personal relationships. Perhaps the boyfriend senses the dislike and distrust of the parents which I bet has existed in some tangible form since the beginning, and avoids the family as a result. Perhaps there are other reasons this young man avoids his girlfriend's family. Whatever the reasons, the parents need to back off and mind their own business.

The United States Federal Government's National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has a web site which says that "1,700 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol...". Alcohol puts brain cells to sleep. First it puts the cells that control behavior decisions to sleep, then those that control muscles, and finally those that control heart rate and *breathing*. You *stop* breathing! If you drink 42 drinks the alcohol in your stomach will enter your blood stream so fast that you will die! Even 21 shots will kill you.
Federal site:
http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/StatsSummaries/snapshot.aspx

Colorado State University site:
http://alcoholprev.colostate.edu/bachart.shtml

Realistically, most 21 year olds are not going to celebrate their birthday with 1 or 2 drinks. They're turning 21, not 71. I agree 21 alcoholic drinks is far, far too much. Where do kids come up with these numbers?

LW1 - There are lots of reasons this young man may be anti-social and not all of them are sinister. I have Asperger's and even after years of behavior therapy it's still hard for me to communicate, connect with people, and make eye contact. There are just some things I'll never be able to change about my brain wiring...

In turn I want to ask: Have you truly done everything possible to make your potential son in law comfortable in your home? Or could he possibly sense that you aren't fond of him and that's why he doesn't come around?

LW2 - Your friends are off their rockers. 21 shots and 21 beers is 42 drinks. That much alcohol WILL kill you - I don't even think a burly six and a half foot tall biker could take that much - or would want to in his right mind. Just say no, and if your friends give you grief, show them the URLs the other commenters have posted here. If they STILL bellyache that you're not following the crowd, maybe that's not the crowd you want to follow anymore.

LW3 - I'm starting to realize I've got one of these as a spouse too. I like the "Yes dear" idea, thank you for passing that along. It might help bring some more peace in my home... maybe.

LW1: It sounds like the daughter's boyfriend has some sort of social anxiety or possibly he's a high functioning individual on the autism scale. Failure to look people in the eye can be a sign of autism or asperger's syndrome. The parents might want to reasearch that and talk about the challenges facing a partner of someone with one of those conditions. But, if the daughter truly wants to be with him, the best bet is for the parents to be supportive. If the daughter is staying with the boyfriend, because he's the only one she's ever been with, and is afraid to make changes, you can point out all the people who start over in their 40's, 50's and beyond. Change can be scary, but it can also be exhilirating.

As for the 21st birthday booze-fest...the Annies are WAY off base by saying that 21 shots is "double" the "ususal" amount. 11 drinks is a binge, and is dangerous. 21 drinks is DEADLY. Two other things the Annies failed to mention is that a young woman who is drunk can be an easy target for sexual predictors. When drinking, be sure not to leave a drink unattended, as it's easy for someone to slip in Rohypnol. Be wary of going off in seclusion with anyone. Drinking lowers one's guard and one's inhibition. So, in addition to possibly puking, soiling oneself, or the more deadly reactions to alcohol poisoning, one can easily fall victim to criminal activty.

For the 21st birthday, a solution that worked for me was to drink 21 shots of beer (shots not beers), since the avg shot is about 1 oz, 21 shots was just under 2 cans, we had our celebratory countdown and I didn't get sick. And anyone who gave me a hard time about it I told to grow up, cause it is no fun to get sick on your birthday.

Annie, you forgot the most important precaution of all... a designated driver!!

Annie, you forgot the most important precaution of all... a designated driver!!

07/24/1942

more articles Annie's Mailbox®, March 22

Dear Annie: My husband and I have a 22-year-old daughter who still lives at home. "Ashley" has been dating the same guy for five years, but we can count on one hand the number of times he has come to our house. We go out of our way to make him feel comfortable and have tried to get to know him, but nothing helps. He seems to have a serious social disorder.

We are a close family, and Ashley loves our gatherings. Many times she will celebrate with us and then go see her boyfriend later. It seems she is living two separate lives, and they seldom intersect.

This young man cannot look us straight in the eye, which makes us worry he has something to hide. At first we thought it was shyness, but after five years, it's a little tiresome, and it's becoming more and more difficult to like him. A few times, I've brought up the subject with Ashley, being careful not to push the wrong buttons. We thought she would tire of his behavior and move on, but she hasn't, and now we're scared to death this might be the guy she ends up with forever. It appears to us that she is not really in love with him, but has simply become comfortable. How do we handle this? — Desperate for Her To Have a Normal Life

Dear Desperate: Ashley has been seeing this guy since she was 17 and may be too scared to end it, fearing she'll never find anyone else. It might help to discuss the relationship in those terms, letting her know you think she's a terrific person and want her to be truly happy. Ask her to tell you what she likes about this young man because you want to appreciate his positive attributes, too. Still, Ashley is an adult now, and you have to let her make her own choices, even if you disagree.

Dear Annie: I will be turning 21 in a few months. My friends are pressuring me to do 21 shots and bong 21 beers.

I do plan on going to the bars for my birthday, and I do want to drink, but I'm afraid I'll become sick from that much alcohol.


I want to have fun, but don't want to drink so much that I will never want to drink again. Is there a correct amount to imbibe on your 21st birthday? How do I avoid getting sick? — Almost 21

Dear Almost: Unfortunately, binge drinking at age 21 has become more common and can lead to serious consequences — including alcohol poisoning, coma and death. Worse, these so-called friends are encouraging you to drink double the usual amount, which doubles your risk, and there is a strong likelihood that you will end up in the emergency room (or morgue).

What is the worst thing that could happen if you refused to drink so much? They would make fun of you? Big deal. And you'd be surprised how many others would admire you for taking a stand. Please put a limit on the booze, and if you are going to drink, take precautions. Pace yourself. Eat a big meal beforehand, and continue to nibble throughout the evening. Be sure to have the bartender or server bring you lots of water, and hydrate regularly. Have a trustworthy friend monitor your condition, ensure you drink enough water and help you form the word "no" sooner rather than later.

Dear Annie: The letter from "Just for Argument's Sake" brought back a flood of memories. My late husband would rather argue than eat. He would pick the opposite side of any subject, whether or not he knew anything about it. My family called him The Great Contrarian. When I saw how many lawyers there were in his family, I decided it was genetic. I learned that the way to cut him off was a resigned "yes, dear" that told him I would not debate, even if I did not agree. It worked great.

At his memorial service, the only thing I heard was how he argued about everything. I had to remind them of his loving and gentle nature. — I Had One, Too

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM



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I like Comment #10. Better still, I like the idea that it's YOUR birthday and YOU get to decide how to celebrate it, so why not plan something that doesn't involve liquor as the primary incentive?

LW1: It's possible since the daughter has been involved with this guy since age 17 that they've been sexually active since that time and the guy is feeling embarrassed/guilty when he's around you - or afraid of being found out. There are so many reasons why he may not feel comfortable. Still, the best route would be to have a frank discussion with the daughter about concerns that she may be cutting herself off from friends and famliy and that is not a healthy thing for her as it's sometimes the beginning of what may become an abuse relationship. Ask her if it's only her family or people in general that bother the fellow, and tell her that you're behind her whatever the future brings but that you are concerned that she may be limiting her horizons. Question: Is there any chance of sending her to a college in another town so she's more likely to meet other young men and "move on"?

more articles Annie's Mailbox®, March 22
Dear Annie: My husband and I have a 22-year-old daughter who still lives at home. "Ashley" has been dating the same guy for five years, but we can count on one hand the number of times he has come to our house. We go out of our way to make him feel comfortable and have tried to get to know him, but nothing helps. He seems to have a serious social disorder.
We are a close family, and Ashley loves our gatherings. Many times she will celebrate with us and then go see her boyfriend later. It seems she is living two separate lives, and they seldom intersect.
This young man cannot look us straight in the eye, which makes us worry he has something to hide. At first we thought it was shyness, but after five years, it's a little tiresome, and it's becoming more and more difficult to like him. A few times, I've brought up the subject with Ashley, being careful not to push the wrong buttons. We thought she would tire of his behavior and move on, but she hasn't, and now we're scared to death this might be the guy she ends up with forever. It appears to us that she is not really in love with him, but has simply become comfortable. How do we handle this? — Desperate for Her To Have a Normal Life
Dear Desperate: Ashley has been seeing this guy since she was 17 and may be too scared to end it, fearing she'll never find anyone else. It might help to discuss the relationship in those terms, letting her know you think she's a terrific person and want her to be truly happy. Ask her to tell you what she likes about this young man because you want to appreciate his positive attributes, too. Still, Ashley is an adult now, and you have to let her make her own choices, even if you disagree.
Dear Annie: I will be turning 21 in a few months. My friends are pressuring me to do 21 shots and bong 21 beers.
I do plan on going to the bars for my birthday, and I do want to drink, but I'm afraid I'll become sick from that much alcohol.
I want to have fun, but don't want to drink so much that I will never want to drink again. Is there a correct amount to imbibe on your 21st birthday? How do I avoid getting sick? — Almost 21
Dear Almost: Unfortunately, binge drinking at age 21 has become more common and can lead to serious consequences — including alcohol poisoning, coma and death. Worse, these so-called friends are encouraging you to drink double the usual amount, which doubles your risk, and there is a strong likelihood that you will end up in the emergency room (or morgue).
What is the worst thing that could happen if you refused to drink so much? They would make fun of you? Big deal. And you'd be surprised how many others would admire you for taking a stand. Please put a limit on the booze, and if you are going to drink, take precautions. Pace yourself. Eat a big meal beforehand, and continue to nibble throughout the evening. Be sure to have the bartender or server bring you lots of water, and hydrate regularly. Have a trustworthy friend monitor your condition, ensure you drink enough water and help you form the word "no" sooner rather than later.
Dear Annie: The letter from "Just for Argument's Sake" brought back a flood of memories. My late husband would rather argue than eat. He would pick the opposite side of any subject, whether or not he knew anything about it. My family called him The Great Contrarian. When I saw how many lawyers there were in his family, I decided it was genetic. I learned that the way to cut him off was a resigned "yes, dear" that told him I would not debate, even if I did not agree. It worked great.
At his memorial service, the only thing I heard was how he argued about everything. I had to remind them of his loving and gentle nature. — I Had One, Too
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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I like Comment #10. Better still, I like the idea that it's YOUR birthday and YOU get to decide how to celebrate it, so why not plan something that doesn't involve liquor as the primary incentive?
LW1: It's possible since the daughter has been involved with this guy since age 17 that they've been sexually active since that time and the guy is feeling embarrassed/guilty when he's around you - or afraid of being found out. There are so many reasons why he may not feel comfortable. Still, the best route would be to have a frank discussion with the daughter about concerns that she may be cutting herself off from friends and famliy and that is not a healthy thing for her as it's sometimes the beginning of what may become an abuse relationship. Ask her if it's only her family or people in general that bother the fellow, and tell her that you're behind her whatever the future brings but that you are concerned that she may be limiting her horizons. Question: Is there any chance of sending her to a college in another town so she's more likely to meet other young men and "move on"?

I like Comment #10. Better still, I like the idea that it's YOUR birthday and YOU get to decide how to celebrate it, so why not plan something that doesn't involve liquor as the primary incentive?
LW1: It's possible since the daughter has been involved with this guy since age 17 that they've been sexually active since that time and the guy is feeling embarrassed/guilty when he's around you - or afraid of being found out. There are so many reasons why he may not feel comfortable. Still, the best route would be to have a frank discussion with the daughter about concerns that she may be cutting herself off from friends and famliy and that is not a healthy thing for her as it's sometimes the beginning of what may become an abuse relationship. Ask her if it's only her family or people in general that bother the fellow, and tell her that you're behind her whatever the future brings but that you are concerned that she may be limiting her horizons. Question: Is there any chance of sending her to a college in another town so she's more likely to meet other young men and "move on"?

I was told that a safe amount to drink is one drink (glass of wine or beer, or one shot) per hour.
21 shots + 21 beers is 42 hours - almost the amount of hours in 2 days!
Your friends are very ignorant to think this could be safe for anyone.
If you are out for 5 hours (7 pm to midnight, say), you can have 5 drinks. And a ride home.
Follow your instincts and do what is right for you!

DEAR ANNIE: It wasn't love at first sight when I first met ( Cybill) not her real name, we both were attending a hospice grief group coming to grips with the loss of our loved ones. At some point in the fog of days blending into each other, so that one day seemed just like any other I got up my nerve to ask her if she would like to go to "Frosty Freeze" for a milk shake and she said yes to my faltering nervousness. That was our starting point of beginning to spend glorious days together, going to together to the movies, restaurants instead of alone. In everything we had a connection except in our differing views of how to approach God. Now, we have decided it's better to go on alone as neither of us can back down from our fixed positions. I would never thought that the reason that two people who love each other could not be together because of religion. I would have guessed it's because I chew food with my mouth open or I'm an idiot and make her embarrassed in public.- Sigh and gritting my teeth.

I recently celebrated my 35th birthday with some co-workers. We went out after work to happy hour at a local bar. I am 6'1" and 225 lbs and had 2 beers and 5 (or 6) shots in that 2 and half hour time span. I drank way too much and I was down for the count after that. There is no way a 21 year old is going to drink 21 shots and 21 beers. I think this person's friends actually know this and don't expect it to be done but they think it will be funny to see their friend try. Have a good time, drink only what you are comfortable with and stand your ground. Don't try to drink more than you can handle. And make sur eyou have a nice sober friend for your DD.

All of the above are correct concerning drinking . I think what is forgotten is that most 21 year olds ares not very mature. It takes a very self confident person to go against the crowd. So giving all of the great advice is like your mom telling you not to drink. Hopefully LW will decide that drinking that much or even enough to make her drunk is
not a safe or even a fun thing to do. Just look at all the stumbing falling down drunks you have ever seen...are they fun to be around or obnoxious.

#10 suggestion is wonderful. Wish I'd thought of that one. I didnt' do anything for 21. Probably because I came from a family that allowed the occassional drink (glass of wine with dinner, champagne at New Years). I know that was all illegal, but I have to say it took away any mysterious fascination I had with the stuff. Because it was, well, normal.

I am very bothered by the attitude of Desperate for Her to Have Normal Life towards her daughter's boyfriend. She acknowledges that the man might have social anxiety disorder but expects that after all of this time, somehow he should be over it. She is "tired" of his behavior and thinks her daughter should be too.
It is very possible that the man has Asperger's Syndrome, especially if he is reluctant to make eye contact, a hallmark of a person on the autism spectrum. For him, those social situations are akin to having his fingernails pulled out and he may find them just too difficult to endure, even if they "gone out of their way to make him feel comfortable." He and Desperate's daughter may have found a happy solution to her desire to socialize and his anxiety about it...she goes and he stays home and they share their quiet time together later. Finding that sort of loving solution to his problem is the sign of a mature relationship.
My preschool daughter has Asperger's and I would be thrilled if, as an adult, she finds someone who will love her, respect her limitations and helps her become a better person. Desperate needs to recognize that, although it may not be the relationship she envisioned for her daughter, it may be the perfect relationship for her. If the man involved treats her well, helps her become a better person, and is loving and compassionate, Desperate should leave well enough alone.

Reading these comments makes me glad we raised our son the way we did. We had alcohol in the house and occasionally wine with dinner. At 16, I let him have a taste of what we were drinking, but otherwise, we didn't make a big deal about drinking, one way or the other. He never saw us drink too much because we didn't. When he was 21, we took him out to eat and he got to order his first beer and proudly show his I.D. It was so different from the way I was raised, to think that one beer would send you to Hell. Because it was forbidden, I couldn't wait to try it. Luckily for me, one hangover was enough to make me determined never to do it again.

I want to add that with LW1's situation, if the young man does have a condition on the autism spectrum, it can literally be painful to make eye contact for some of us. For others it's a major source of anxiety. Honestly I think society places too much emphasis on eye contact, or at least trying to normalize those of us who don't do it much in this area. I'm able to do it occasionally on a good day, but I think it would drive me bats if forced. With my kids who are both autistic I tell them to just "look at me" when I need them to listen, but I never command them to look me directly in the eye. If they want to stare at my teeth that's good enough for all I care.

re; LW1 - I think the guy is just a social dud and rude. Does every inappropriate action or behavior have to attributed to some condition/syndrome? They've know this guy for 5 years for chrissake and he still can't look them in the eye? It's not often I agree with the Annies but I think they got it right this time.

21 shots, if that's 21 ounces, at 30 ml. per oz, that's about 630 so we're talking hard liquor alone is close to a fifth, which is 750 oz. Nobody drinks close to a fifth in a night without a lot of practice. And that means a lot of body damage.
If you add 21 regular cans of beer that's 252 oz. That's close to 2 gallons of beer plus a fifth.
If you consider sobriety is one beer or shot per hour, on average you would need 42 hours to consume it and stay under the legal limit.
If you take 6 hours to drink all that (an arbitrary number of hours but essentially from 7 PM until 1 AM) you will have consumed 7 times that amount. 7 drinks per hour for 6 hours? No matter, you will achieve alcohol poisoning well before you make it to 1 AM. You will probably not be physically able to do it on your first effort, this isn't a challenge, but a sad comment. You will for sure, NOT remember much about most of the evening and you may not actually survive it. You will lean a lot about misery, a whole lot.
If you have 5 or more drinks in the entire night you will probably not only be pie eyed, falling down, vomiting drunk but you can expect a wicked hangover.
If you want drunk you will need more than one drink in a night but not 42. Only one drink will get you feeling good but not drunk. Three, strung out in 6 hours should get you feeling pretty drunk if these are your first three and you might remember the evening. Protect yourself and have someone keeping track (in the future figure out how you will keep track for yourself, your "friends" will not help.) After 5 you will not be able to remember exactly how many you have had. You are with friends who clearly, according to their recommendations, want you to get hammered. These people can not be trusted to keep you safe when you are hammered. Hammered means helpless. Good luck.

Adding to the clamor over LW2, I agree that 21 beers and 21 shots will turn this person into a corpse. What kind of friends would pressure her to instant death? Unreal. I looked up beer bong on the Web and saw two different devices (one is a funnel and hose combination) that enable beer consumption at a much faster rate than usual. Oh yeah, that's real healthy. And then we have those idiot Annies who think that the 21/21 consumption is only twice normal. Which means that they consider 10.5 shots and 10.5 beers acceptable. And they are giving advice? LW2, have a drink or two, eat a lot, and live to see the rest of your life. And get some new friends!

Although I do enjoy a drink (or 2), I've never been drunk in my life. I'm over 50 now and people will tease me about being a "wuss" but frankly I don't care. I enjoy exercise, fitness and a healthy lifestyle. I like going to the gym early in the morning and the idea of being too "wasted" to enjoy my workout goes against my grain. (I've been up too late a few times, but that's another story, at least I don't have a hangover in the morning and am sharp within 10 minutes of waking up). With the $ I save on booze (and junk food!) I'm able to take a really nice vacation every summer.

"Where do they come up with these numbers?" Really? 21 = 21....but seriously, kids can check alcohol consumption on any of a number of online BAC calculators. They say that brain development finishes at age 23, but for U.S. kids and their lifestyle I am starting to wonder.

My fiance (almost husband) of 5 years is just the same as this young womans boyfriend. I know that it bothers my family but to heck with them, I love him and I know he's a good person. He doesn't like people and why force something upon him? My mother has had words with him that he will never forget and although she's apologized, he is not quick to forget those hurtful words. She tries to say negative things to me about him but I tell her to knock it off. My grandma never treated my dad like that and she wouldn't apprecaite her mother treating the love of her life that way so don't do that to me! I know it gets old with them after a while, and they wonder why he's in the other room while everyone is gathered in the dining room. Well, i love him, there's nothing I can change about that. If they cannot accept him for who he is, then that's their problem. Not mine.

One of my first jobs during college was working as a desk assistant during the graveyard shift at the dorms. I saw many instances where my fellow students suffered because of poor decisions regarding alcohol (and yes, many were underage to drink). I have seen people taken away in an ambulance because of alcohol poisoning, girls upset because they couldn't remember the night before -- including one that appeared to have been assaulted, and whole range of stupid and unsafe behaviors resulting from alcohol abuse. While I'm not against having a few (1 or 2) drinks to celebrate -- anyone thinking that that amount of alcohol is a good way to celebrate is in for a rude awakening (if they're lucky) or a trip to the morgue.

Re: Mariah

I'm not against having a few (1 or 2) drinks to celebrate -- anyone thinking that that amount of alcohol is a good way to celebrate is in for a rude awakening (if they're lucky) or a trip to the morgue.

I should correct the last sentence to read -- "I'm not against having a few (1 or 2) drinks to celebrate -- BUT anyone thinking that that amount of alcohol (21 doses) is a good way to celebrate is in for a rude awakening (if they're lucky) or a trip to the morgue."