creators home
creators.com lifestyle web

Recently

Held Hostage by Depression Dear Annie: My roommate, "Michelle," is suffering from depression. Six months ago, she suddenly lost interest in going out with friends and would cry for no reason. She began calling in sick so many times that she was fired. She cashed out …Read more. Hands Are Tied when a Messed-Up Child Is a Legal Adult Dear Annie: My 20-year-old nephew has been a troubled youth, despite all the attempts of his family to help him, including counseling and rehab. When he was 18, he became involved with a messed-up 14-year-old girl who used drugs, alcohol and sex to …Read more. Damaging Favoritism Amid Broken Boundaries Dear Annie: I have two daughters, ages 5 and 2. My in-laws favor the older girl. They buy her more presents, give her more money and pay way more attention to her than to her sister. They almost seem obsessed with her. As soon as she walks in the …Read more. Ex Con on the Straight and Narrow Canned Dear Annie: After eight years at my job, I was let go. I have a felony record. The CEO who knew of my background retired last year. He felt I had proved myself and had no problem with me. When he retired, we got an interim CEO. I told him about my …Read more.
more articles

ANNIE'S MAILBOX(R)

Share Comment

Dear Annie: I was close to "Bob" in college. Four years ago, when he married "Sue," whom I vaguely knew, I was the only one of his friends to attend her bachelorette party. A few years after their wedding, I flew across the country and stayed with them for a while. I had fun and sent a nice gift afterward.

When I later learned the whereabouts of a mutual friend who had fallen off the face of the earth, I suggested we all visit him, but Sue was adamantly against it. She had been close to this guy in college and said I should respect his wishes to be left alone. So I didn't go.

Since then, I've had this vibe that I've been dumped as a friend. They are both on Facebook, but don't acknowledge my membership. I still send Christmas cards and occasional letters, but only rarely get a reply — and it's always short.

I would like to visit again, but I hesitate. Bob has never been great at initiating contact, and Sue and I are not that chummy. Should I confront Bob and end the mystery? Or should I assume this is just how they operate? — Vancouver, Wash.

Dear Vancouver: It is not uncommon for some wives to subtly discourage friendships between their husbands and other women. Plus, you might have triggered something that made Sue uncomfortable. A confrontation will only bring denial. If you want to maintain the friendship, you will have to make the greater effort. Continue sending cards and letters, and be especially friendly to Sue. Let them know when you'll be in their area, and suggest meeting for dinner. In time, the friendship will either warm up or fizzle out on its own.

Dear Annie: We recently hosted a barbecue for our son's 18th birthday. We invited members of his sports team and their parents, along with a few other friends. Over the past four years, most parents have hosted at least one event for the team, so we thought this would be a good time.

We were not expecting gifts, but guests all brought cards.

It occurred to me that some might include gifts, and I didn't want to embarrass anyone, so I put the cards away. The next morning my son opened them, and they all contained various amounts of money. Thank-you notes will be sent.

My question is: Did I make a faux pas by not opening the cards that night? Also, most of these people had never been to my home. Am I a snob if I don't offer to show them around? Am I a show-off if I do? — New at Hosting

Dear New: You're fine. The cards should not have been opened at the party. As for your home, it's OK to offer to show guests around when you have a small group over. When you are entertaining a large crowd outside, however, you should not be ignoring some of your guests in order to give others a guided tour.

Dear Annie: Your advice to "Debbie" was dangerous. Please don't tell her to put a lock on her bedroom door. In case of fire or other emergency, interior doors must not be locked. In a rental, locks on bedroom doors are often illegal. In new home construction, keys to locked doors are placed in view on the trim above the door. Everyone should know where the keys are.

Another error people make in their homes is thinking that a window screen will prevent someone from falling out of the window. — David

Dear David: Those are excellent warnings, but we think you might have misunderstood this particular case. Debbie doesn't want to lock herself in, which could be dangerous. She wants an exterior lock so her sister cannot steal her things when she's out. When Debbie's in the room, it is not necessary to keep it locked.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM


Comments

5 Comments | Post Comment
It's possible that "Sue" wasn't thrilled to have a female friend of "Bob's" come and stay "for a while." I wonder if Vancouver invited herself. Was she a considerate guest? Did she overstay her welcome? My guess that her "staying for a while" is what put "Sue" off. As for the mutual friend who had fallen off the face of the earth, why was she trying to involve "Bob" and "Sue" in her plans to visit him? Had he even invited them or was she planning on dropping in on him without warning. I think she overdid the visit and needs to continue sending cards and notes and holding off on calls, especially since the "Bob" and his wife don't seem to be as enthusiastic about them as she is. She has to deal with Bob and Sue as a couple and couples have different agendas than single friends going to the same college.
Comment: #1
Posted by: BB
Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:24 AM
If Bob has never been that great at initiating contact than that's a clear indication he's not interested in maintaining a friendship. I am not going to push this off on Sue and say it's because she was a *former* friend of Bobs. Bob has made it quite clear he no longer desires the friendship and since he has never been that great at initiating contact it sounds like he never has.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Cathy
Tue Nov 24, 2009 11:58 AM
Bob is married to Sue now. They live a different life and they are not interested in pursuing/maintaining freindship with you. Just stop all contact and don't make any plans to visit. They've moved on and you should too.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Rick
Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:54 PM
Oh please... It is obvious that the Sue doesn't want Vanc over there to visit or anything else to do with her. Just move on and make new friends. Know your boundaries, he is a married man. Leave him alone, drop them completely and go on with your life.
Comment: #4
Posted by:
Tue Nov 24, 2009 4:02 PM
I don't see anything wrong with the LW contacting the mutual friend, but there's no need to insist that Bob and Sue be involved, too. Why can't she contact him on her own?
Comment: #5
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Tue Nov 24, 2009 4:39 PM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
Other similar columns
Amy Alkon
The Advice Goddess
by Amy Alkon
Margo Howard
Dear Margo®
by Margo Howard
Ann Landers
Classic Ann Landers
by Ann Landers
More
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Feb. `12
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
29 30 31 1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 1 2 3
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month