Dear Margo: I was divorced and unattached for 10 years before meeting and eventually marrying a wonderful woman I thought I knew quite well. We happily dated for 18 months prior to marriage, with no problems in the all-important area of compatibility, emotional or otherwise. She meshed easily with my friends and immediate family, as well as with my 18-year-old son, whom I had raised on my own. Moving forward one year, I come home early from work one day and catch my wife in bed with my 19-year-old son. Needless to say, my jaw dropped so fast you could hear it crack. It was an immediate and emotionally charged situation that ended with them both being told to get out, which they did. The following morning, after a wretched night full of agony beyond description, I received a call from my son, who told me the two of them would be leaving town the following day to start a new life together. He told me they were in love but neither knew how to break the news to me. It had been going on for — you guessed it — one year. I was absolutely speechless. The following day, they packed their things while I was away from the house and left. It's been a month now and I haven't heard a word. I don't even know where they went. As for the soon-to-be ex-wife, good riddance. She'll reap what she's sown somewhere down the line. But my son is a different story. I am his dad and I love him. The horror of our relationship being destroyed this way is almost more than I can bear. I want there to be some way we can reconcile. In the meantime, I am left in anguish as I suffer through the pain of having two people I loved brutally ripped from my life. I am in need of discerning words of wisdom here. — Lost in Space

Dear Lost: Wow, this sounds like a B-movie, and you have my sympathies. When you say this woman "meshed easily" with everyone in your world, you weren't kidding. I think any woman who marries a man with a teenage son and kicks off a romance with him from the time of her marriage is beneath contempt. I also think that any woman who runs off with her husband's 19-year-old son is going to rue the day ... and if she doesn't, the kid will. It's just a question of who realizes the situation is loony first. Unless your son has independent wealth, earning a living for him and his ... whatever ... is going to be a shock to his system. I think you are heroic to want to reconcile with your son, and I suspect at some point in the future you will get the chance. That will happen when he and what's-her-name have decided it was all a huge mistake. — Margo, consolingly

Keep Your Cookies, but How About a Big Check?

Dear Margo: I would like to know what you think of a mother-in-law who thinks nothing of asking my husband and me to donate thousands of dollars so she can name a room or terrace of a museum after my late father-in-law. This is a woman who won't buy a box of Girl Scout cookies from her granddaughter because she doesn't know how she would get them (she lives 140 miles away) and doesn't want "the temptation." Is this lame, or is it just me? — Waiting to Exhale

Dear Wait: I don't think your m-i-l's excuses regarding the cookies are lame. "Cheap" is the word I think you're looking for. Everybody buys Girl Scout cookies from the little girls; how could a grandmother say no? Even people who don't want the "temptation" buy them, then give them away. Her judgment, in general, seems a little off. Trying to strong-arm people who are not enthusiastic into giving to institutions for a naming opportunity is certainly tone deaf. The good news is that she lives 140 miles away. — Margo, positively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2008 MARGO HOWARD

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