Dear Margo: My 30th birthday is next week, and I'm already getting the inevitable "biological clock" questions from family and friends. I'm single, have a great job with awesome advancement potential, make good money, and have my retirement investments on the right track. I have nothing against marriage or kids, but no one I've dated has been serious enough for me to consider marriage. If I meet the right person someday, I'd be happy to commit to marriage; if not and I'm forever single, that's fine with me, too. My dad is normally silent on such matters, but even he asked this week when I'm going to "grow up and get married." What does marriage have to do with maturity? He's an alcoholic, and my parents had a miserable marriage until he dried out, and my younger sister married a drug addict who destroyed her credit rating, and then she cheated on him. None of them "grew up" just because they got married. What's a good response to the people who generally mean well, but constantly demand to know when I'm going to settle down? — Single, 30, and Perfectly Happy That Way

Dear Sing: I could not agree more. Marriage is not for everyone, and some people opt for the single state. For "outsiders," feel free to say you're having too good a time as things are and have yet to meet anyone who has changed your mind. In the case of your father, however, I would be direct and tell him what you wrote me: growing up and getting married are two entirely unconnected things; witness your own family. I hope you get comfortable with the idea that not every question deserves a serious answer, and also that these intrusive remarks don't ruin your day. — Margo, maturely

She Wants To Remain a Virgin — But She Doesn't Know for Whom!

Dear Margo: I am a young, bisexual, Catholic woman in a heterosexual relationship. However, I have never been particularly attracted to men. I don't want to have sex before marriage, but I'm terrified I'll get married and only then find out that I am not at all sexually interested in my husband. Is there any way to preserve my virginity and also experiment with the different elements of my sexuality? — Trying To Figure It Out

Dear Try: You identify yourself as bisexual, though in a heterosexual relationship, so at the very least that says you feel sexual attraction toward women. You seem to know you do not have this electricity for men. (And what, may I ask, is going on in the relationship you are in now — nothing?) In order to preserve your virginity but still explore your sexual drives, it would be necessary for you to ... well, explore your sexual drives. This is done, according to your restrictions, by doing what many girls and women have done who do not wish "to go all the way." You'll need to engage in necking and petting with one of each (i.e., a man and a woman), and then you will have a clue. I am unclear about how young you are, but should you decide you are a lesbian, there can be no marriage unless you live in Massachusetts, Canada or maybe California, or in one of the fewer than 10 states that permit same-sex civil unions. — Margo, investigatively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

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