Dear Margo: I have been dating a man for a year. He's been divorced for two years. He has a daughter who will be turning 7 in about four months. The concern I have about his relationship with his daughter is that he has to sleep with her because she insists on it. But a bigger concern is that he allows her to see him naked at all times. I have told him I don't think this is appropriate, and he accuses me of being jealous of their relationship. He has also slept in the nude with her. That has finally stopped, but he continues to dress in front of her and lets her in the bathroom as he showers and finishes his business. Please let me know if I am overreacting or if there is harm in this. — Getting a Headache

Dear Get: Whether or not this man understands it, his behavior with a daughter that age is both inappropriate and seductive. Your problem with him, however, goes beyond this. His defensiveness — saying you are jealous of the "relationship" — suggests he believes that whatever he thinks is the truth; a form of disordered thinking. While there may be nothing overtly sexual between him and the child, he is obviously insensitive to the effect his exhibitionist behavior has on his daughter. One course of action, prior to bailing out of the romance, would be to propose seeing a sophisticated child therapist, as a couple, to talk about his practices and your concerns. That might be immediately clarifying because I'm betting he would either refuse to go, or blow up at the idea of going to an expert when he is the only expert he recognizes. — Margo, corroboratively

Do You Tattoo?

Dear Margo: I am 28 and have been happily married to my wife for a little more than five years. I am currently away on an extended business trip and received an e-mail from my wife stating that she is considering going with her younger sister to get a tattoo. One of the things I have always found feminine and attractive about my wife is that she'd never marked her body with tattoos. While I understand that they are more popular and socially acceptable these days, that doesn't change the way I feel about them on my wife. Please dispense any helpful advice you may have. — Trouble with Tats

Dear Trub: When I was your age, the tattooed population consisted mostly of servicemen who'd gotten drunk or women who kept company with the Hells Angels, so, yes, you are quite right about tattoos having become respectable. In fact, my own daughter has a tiny star tattooed on her hand ... and it wouldn't surprise me if Mrs. Clinton sported an American flag somewhere we can't see, since she doesn't wear a flag pin. In your particular situation, one consideration would be what your wife wants to have inked on her body, and where. I doubt that she'd be going for a bunch of roses and a snake. Many women wouldn't do this if there were stated objections on the part of her husband. On the other hand, it's her body and her aesthetic. If she is absolutely decided about getting a tattoo, I hope you will be accepting and pat yourself on the back for being "with it." — Margo, compromisingly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2008 MARGO HOWARD

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