Q: I have serious health problems. So, before I go, I would like to resolve some nasty issues that separated my sister and me while we were growing up. We have talked on the phone and we agree now that our issues were much ado about nothing. I would like to visit her to reconcile in person, but my brother-in-law hates me and is adamant about not letting us visit. How can I handle this?

A: Our lives run in cycles and siblings understand when it is time to forgive and forget. The truth is, when faced with a near-death experience, individuals often feel guilty and become passionate about patching up differences.

Write a letter addressed to your sister and brother-in-law detailing how you regret past conflicts with your sibling and telling them of your desire to visit. Explain your health situation and that you love them.

Use heartfelt words to explain why the differences remain unresolved. Be open and honest. Were the differences caused by jealousy, anger, age, or were they the fault of your parents? Retrace what caused the "nasty issues." Were you both too young to understand how important love, or the failure of expressing it, affects families?

Apologize, and take the majority of the blame for what happened. Remind them how important it is for families to go through the healing process while the opportunity exists. As French impressionist painter Pierre August Renoir reminds us regarding timing: "It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks."

Q: My aunt has signed a power of attorney to me. Because of deteriorating health she is in an assisted-living facility. She recently received a credit card bill for more than $1,200. When I called customer service, the representative said the list of items charged was no longer available. How can I settle this bill?

A: One reader wrote to me about a similar experience. A 101-year-old woman received a collections statement for a bank credit card bill. When her caretaker called the collection agency seeking details, a representative could only say it had been six years since the elderly woman had made the purchases.

The caretaker explained that the cardholder was 101 years old, housed in an assisted-living facility and relied on Medicare to make her medical payments. The representative offered a monthly installment plan to settle the debt. The caretaker responded by saying the 101-year-old had no money. Finally, the representative conceded that the bank usually declined to pursue payment demands from anyone older than 80.

The final agreement was that the bank would stop sending statements, would note on the account the receiver had no money and was 101 years old. When asked what the consequence would be for the elderly woman, the representative said the nonpayment would negatively affect her credit for seven years — as if that mattered!

I suggest you call the bank and renegotiate.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.