Q: For gifts this year my wife and I cannot be as generous as we have before. We do not want our children and grandchildren to be disappointed, but we need to limit our expenses. Should we alert them now?

A: Yes. No one likes surprises, particularly in our current economic squeeze. Yet our family should understand that your needs come first. Loving family should not have a problem accepting your financial reality. Do not be anxious or suffer guilt over giving less. This is no time to go into debt. Change is inevitable and no one can predict what is next.

Our most valuable gifts are to share our lives and to appreciate our togetherness. The real secret to happiness is to learn how to be content with what we have, not what we want. The best gifts are free, such as love, friendship, caring, not being judgmental, frequent contact, positive memories, compromise, mentoring and the chance to guide others toward positive attitudes.

Not all meaningful gifts are expensive. You might like to pass along a family treasure such as a photo of your mother and father on their wedding day, your baby cup, the family Bible, your grandmother's patchwork quilt or a piece of furniture that has great meaning.

Another valuable gift could be a love letter to your family detailing the happy and wonderful experiences you cherish. Another present could be to select 12 of your favorite photos and pay a copy shop to make a 2009 calendar as a gift. My family still has one of those!

Finally, the holidays are a good time to lighten up. Humor reminds us that though we are unique, we are not alone. Never forget: Those of us who laugh ... last!

Q: Our first year in retirement has been challenging. We moved to a distant retirement community. We knew almost everyone where we previously lived. We moved simply because we felt it was our time to enjoy ourselves. We like our new lifestyle but we are finding it difficult to replace our lifetime friends. Can we?

A: It is difficult to develop comparable friends. Yet, in reality is, the ones you had before you moved are not going to remain as they were, either. (You really cannot go home again!)

Plan to enjoy each day and consider it a bonus. The key is to broaden your activtivies by participating in local civic clubs, senior centers and volunteer organizations.

Your goal should be to meet a new couple each week. Share your backgrounds with others to learn if you have common avocations, like bridge, dancing, walking, cruising, and other passions.

Be positive, pleasant and friendly. These habits attract others looking for positive and fun-loving friends. The more open and friendlier you are, the more likely strangers will respond.

I agree with Nigerian drummer and philosopher Babatunde Olatunji, who said, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present".

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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