Dear Doug from Creators Syndicate

Forget TV: Give Grandma Some Attention for 09/01/2008

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My widowed grandmother will celebrate her 75th birthday next month. We want to show her how much we love and appreciate her, so we are considering buying her a new television. What would you recommend?

A: Well, I can't speak for your grandmother specifically, but many seniors I know aren't looking for material things. What they really want is support and attention from family and frie ...

Updated: Mon Sep 01, 2008

Caretaking: No Need to Go it Alone for 09/08/2008

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My husband has lost his mental ability to share our partnership decisions. Together, we have always discussed our future, listened to the other's viewpoint and compromised our differences. Now, I must accept total responsibility. We have no immediate family, and I am worried I will make dumb decisions. Are there organizations I can call upon to help me?

A: Yes. There are many individu ...

Updated: Mon Sep 08, 2008

Mom Has Her Reasons For Sticking With the Grouch for 09/15/2008

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Over the years we have watched how our father has treated our mother. He wins the Academy Award as "best all-time negative grouch." Now, in retirement, he is even more ornery. Mom hopes he will change! Do you think he will?

A: Probably not. Unhappy individuals choose to be unhappy to gain control, power and attention. Once their habits become ingrained, rarely do they change ...

Updated: Mon Sep 15, 2008

Beat the Blues by Writing Down Good News for 09/22/2008

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. Now, after five years of being a widower, I am still considered by my family to be "happy." Recently, I realized I have fallen into the trap of becoming negative. My excuse is to blame it all on the avalanche of negative news. I know this is a turbulent year with natural disasters, war, diving stocks, real estate bankruptcies and rancorous political races. Any ideas?

A. Many ...

Updated: Mon Sep 22, 2008

Beat the Blues by Writing Down Good News for 09/22/2008

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. Now, after five years of being a widower, I am still considered by my family to be “happy.” Recently, I realized I have fallen into the trap of becoming negative. My excuse is to blame it all on the avalanche of negative news. I know this is a turbulent year with natural disasters, war, diving stocks, real estate bankruptcies and rancorous political races. Any ideas?

A. Many of ...

Updated: Mon Sep 22, 2008

Make the Most of Precious Time for 09/29/2008

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My wonderful and loving father, without warning, has become depressed after learning he has an inoperable tumor. He is 73. I am his only daughter and the news has driven me to unstoppable tears and anger. I do not know how to say goodbye. How can I?

A: Everyone jolted by news such as your is thrown off balance. Coping is hard to do, but it is important to keep a stiff upper lip. Grief ...

Updated: Mon Sep 29, 2008

Old-Fashioned Values Are Tried and True for 10/06/2008

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: As our political leaders and financial gurus are swept away into today's fiscal whirlpools, we find ourselves with them in the storm-tossed waters. We are afraid of drowning. In planning and recalculating our financial futures, we can't envision how we will stay afloat. How can we best survive?

A: Our parents and grandparents made it through tough times like the Great Depression with ...

Updated: Mon Oct 06, 2008

Old Flame Ignites Passion, Fears in Woman Scorned for 10/13/2008

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: I was married for more than 23 years. To my shock, my husband dumped me without warning for a younger woman. I have moved to an active retirement community and enjoy it. Here, I have rediscovered a widowed resident whom I dated in college. Now, he wants to marry me. Is this a wise idea?

A: Slow down, be patient, and do your homework. In a dream, you are never old. Lonely individuals, ...

Updated: Mon Oct 13, 2008

There Are Many Reasons to Keep a Journal for 10/20/2008

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q. A number of my friends tell me they keep a journal. I really don't know what that is. They believe it serves as a memory bank and keeps them focused. Should I begin one?

A.Yes, especially because as we age we become somewhat forgetful. A journal is not a diary. It is an ongoing written notebook describing your daily thoughts and actions. I use mine to prioritize my plans, organize ide ...

Updated: Mon Oct 20, 2008

Pessimistic Grandson Could Be Working the Crowd for 10/27/2008

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Our 27-year-old grandson is an ongoing pessimist. With a lot of pressure from his family, he finally got a college degree. He has been medically checked, still lives at home, and does not do drugs. He has had several jobs, from which he either quit or was fired. He says he lost his jobs because his bosses didn't like him. He shows little ambition, and is rarely happy. How can we help convinc ...

Updated: Mon Oct 27, 2008

Panic Is No Solution in Momentous Times for 11/03/2008

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q. "Panic" is the defining word for what's happening in today's world. Because information and decisions are made almost simultaneously, do we know what is really going on? What are we to do?

A. You are right on the money. Historically, the gatekeepers of information were those who held power, such as kings and the clergy, who were among the learned few who could read and write ...

Updated: Mon Nov 03, 2008

No Need to Get Wrapped Up in Expensive Presents for 11/10/2008

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: For gifts this year my wife and I cannot be as generous as we have before. We do not want our children and grandchildren to be disappointed, but we need to limit our expenses. Should we alert them now?

A: Yes. No one likes surprises, particularly in our current economic squeeze. Yet our family should understand that your needs come first. Loving family should not have a problem accept ...

Updated: Mon Nov 10, 2008

Dear Doug, November 17 for 11/17/2008

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: Two years ago, as a widow who loves men, I chose to move into an active retirement community. I believed that it would be the most likely place to find a new husband. So far, I haven’t found one. Am I being realistic?

A: Because statistics show that more than ever second marriages are ending in divorce, many seniors are choosing not to marry but instead to cohabit. Cohabiting offers p ...

Updated: Mon Nov 17, 2008

Time Running Out to Make Amends for 11/24/2008

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: I have serious health problems. So, before I go, I would like to resolve some nasty issues that separated my sister and me while we were growing up. We have talked on the phone and we agree now that our issues were much ado about nothing. I would like to visit her to reconcile in person, but my brother-in-law hates me and is adamant about not letting us visit. How can I handle this?

A ...

Updated: Mon Nov 24, 2008

Resolutions Stand Up Better When Written Down for 12/01/2008

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: Each December, I set resolutions to prove to myself I can still get my important needs accomplished. Rarely do I succeed. For 2009, because I feel the clock is ticking, I am determined to be successful. What's the trick to do so?

A: Wake up your subconscious. Tell yourself, "It will be done."

To begin with, write down your most important goals. Then list them by prior ...

Updated: Mon Dec 01, 2008

Teaching Children to Give is the Right Priority for 12/08/2008

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: We receive multiple requests for charitable donations during the year. We write our checks in December. After budgeting for family gifts, we choose the most needy charities and mail checks. Can you help us simplify the way we decide on which charities to support?

A: A kindly reader wrote to tell me a successful way his grandparents handled family and charitable giving. Each December, ...

Updated: Mon Dec 08, 2008

Customer Service Sometimes a Function of Tenacity for 12/15/2008

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: Recently, I bought a coffeepot as a gift for a friend. She found it defective. When I returned to the store to ask for a replacement, the customer service representative refused, saying, "Discounted items are not returnable." I asked to speak with the manager. The clerk said she was not working that day. I picked up the gift and took a hike. Do I have other options?

A: Yes. ...

Updated: Mon Dec 15, 2008

Widow Bequeaths Happiness to Grandson and His Wife for 12/22/2008

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: I am recently widowed after a wonderful 53 years of marriage. My grandson and his fiancee have asked me to tell them the secret to our happy marriage. I'm making my list. How would you answer them?

A: No doubt, you were successful because each of you chose to be happy. Happiness comes to those who first learned to love themselves and have achieved self-esteem. By habit, we create the ...

Updated: Mon Dec 22, 2008

Misunderstanding About Sound Bites Injures Relationship for 12/29/2008

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Q: Last week, my grandson and I got into a strong argument. He said my opinion was based on "sound bites," and left my house in anger. I didn't know what he was talking about. What did he mean by sound bites?

A. He meant you heard or saw something, such as a catchphrase, that influenced your thinking and caused you to make a decision regarding an issue about which he believes y ...

Updated: Mon Dec 29, 2008

Where There's Will, There's a Way for 01/05/2009

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Q: My sister and I are in our 50s. I am happily married with children. My sister still lives at home and never married. She claims to have read our parents' will and taunts me and refuses to share the details. Frequently she makes the point of how she has given her life to our parents and the responsibility she has had to bear. She insinuates I am not doing my share by helping out. Is this her ...

Updated: Mon Jan 05, 2009