Recently
Later Love
DEAR SUSAN: My mom was in her late 50s when she found love again after divorcing my dad. She used an online dating site to find it — but this was before the site you mentioned existed. It seems a fine match, and they have been married for …Read more.
A Perfect 10
DEAR SUSAN: I had to laugh at the letter from a man describing himself as a "Richard Gere" looking for a woman who is a professional, intelligent and a perfect 10. The problem might just be in his math! I've noticed that men rate …Read more.
Choose Happiness
DEAR SUSAN: This positive advice is for a fellow blogger, who seems to be having a hard time: It takes work to escape the comfort zone that keeps you making the same mistakes. (It's easier if you have the help of a good therapist, but people have …Read more.
The Uninvited
DEAR SUSAN: Your column on being left out of a couple's world has made me respond to an advice columnist for the first time in my life. The problem is much bigger than you seem to realize. When I was part of a couple, we did a lot of socializing. I …Read more.
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GroupthinkDEAR SUSAN: Dating is an artificial situation, and all too often, people judge one another by the most superficial criteria. I think it's smart to avoid it. It's so much better to develop friendships with both genders and bring an outgoing, positive attitude to the relationships. Then, who knows what might happen? — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: Leave it to the young 'uns to come up with a better formula for meeting and mixing: group socializing. They've come up with this amazingly low-stress route to making (and keeping) friends. Being one of several is the perfect way to reduce tension and cut through all the nonsense that can pass for small talk with the other gender. But — the question remains — what works for those of us beyond our teen years? The closest I can come to group mingling is a group focused on an interest. Gravitating to an interest is almost foolproof. Think hard about the things that truly spark your interest. Imagine yourself in a group that feels the same way; the talk is good, the atmosphere relaxed, your responses spontaneous because they're not about some gossip tidbit or the newest sushi restaurant. The minute you walk into a collection of people who are as interested in (you fill in the blank) as you are, you've entered a family of like-minded people. Give it a try. Instead of throwing a wide net online, try customizing your online social life. Narrow your probe to an interest group. DEAR SUSAN: I believe that when a man says he's not interested in marriage, the best thing to do is to accept that he means it.
DEAR BLOGGER: Interesting, your take on marriage: Take a man at his word, and if it's refusal, then mosey on down to the nearest exit. No regrets, no second thoughts, no "casual" dates. He isn't marriage-minded? That doesn't need translating; he's not going your way. My own mother passed along this wisdom. And I've personally seen women who have fought against reality, wasting precious energy and time on men who've openly declared their firm decision not to be a husband. Yet there they were, playing the gentleman to women who (secretly) believed that the more time those men invested in seeing them the greater the chance they would be worn down to quiet acquiescence. I've seen those forlorn ladies get the boot from men who long ago said they would, told them so, well in advance of the final curtain. Yes, there are exceptions, but for Pete's sake (and mine), take the man at his word. The odds of someone's changing his position on marriage are depressingly small. Ouch. SOCIAL SITE FOR THE OVER-50 SET: OurTime.com Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2011 CREATORS.COM
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