Dear John: You have great insights on the signals men and women send and receive. However, when one partner is moving too fast, how should the other partner indicate that it is time to slow down? That is the situation I'm facing with my boyfriend, and I want to slow things down without pushing him away. —Seeking More Space, in Fort Collins, Colo.

Dear Space: A relationship takes nurturing and time. Be wary of people that must have commitment right away or who come on too strong.

Let him know that his interest and attention flatter you, but that he is moving too fast for you, and at this time, you cannot reciprocate all of his feelings. Rather than expressing platitudes or advice, speak from your personal experiences in explaining why you'd feel more comfortable going slower.

If, in a considerate way, you convey your true desire to take it slower, it will in no way dampen his interest but actually increase it. And if you are concerned that your reticence may chase him away or hurt his feelings, know that by making the point that you want to go slower, the fire of your passions will burn longer and stronger.

Dear John: You have written that it is common for a man to pull away when intimacy is deepened within a relationship. But what happens when a man can't find the strength to return? Can one help him in this endeavor? I understand why the female should not chase him. Still, what about the guy who can't return to the relationship? —Awaiting His Return, in Chapel Hill, N.C.

Dear Awaiting: Men and women often make the mistake of assuming that love is enough to make a relationship last. As much as we'd wish that to be the case, lasting love cannot be forced upon us. With greater and greater intimacy, our heart may gradually open to a place where we simply know, "This person isn't really right for me." To avoid a painful confrontation, many men simply cut off communication altogether or worse, stay in the relationship long after realizing it is time to go, just to avoid feelings of guilt — but of course, when he finally leaves, it makes the parting that much harder.

Neither method is ideal. As always, honest, loving communication is the best way to end a relationship. This means acknowledging that both partners did their best to make the relationship work, but now it is time to move on.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.