Dear John: I've got some wonderful, supportive friends who know that my divorce has made me unhappy and left me with a lot of negative feelings about relationships in general. Still, they think that the best cure is a new relationship. I'd love for that to happen one day, but honestly, I'm not ready. Should I be or is giving myself time the right thing to do? — Not Ready, in Boston, Mass.

Dear Not Ready: Both men and women can be lured, prematurely, into dating again, because it offers the hope of closing one chapter in their lives and allowing another to begin. Men in particular view dating as a quick fix for unresolved emotional upheavals. So I would not be surprised if your friends, particularly I suspect, your guy pals, are encouraging you to start dating.

The truth is that in most cases we are not emotionally ready to do that, no less become intimate with a new partner, until we have taken the time to improve our relationship with ourselves by processing any and all negative emotions.

Divorce leaves us wounded. Those wounds are dealt with honestly or they can haunt our future. And yes, damage a future relationship as well. At this stage, reading, reflection, and perhaps best of all, joining a support group is more important in getting you beyond your negative emotions and preparing your for a new, and let's hope, a happier relationship.

Dear John: I am a 29 year-old female who is married. My husband and I have a 9-month-old son. I am very satisfied having sex with my husband once a week. I feel that is all that I need. My husband, however, is not happy about this. What can I do to make him understand that I feel very satisfied this way? We are starting to have problems with our marriage because of this. — Satisfied But He's Not, in Monterey, Calif.

Dear Satisfied: Sexual satisfaction is something you both may well define based on your own needs. For some couples, that is once a month, some, once a week, and for others, once a day.

Note, however, that when you have settled on a frequency, as you suggest, it often means that you are not really engaged in your own sexual satisfaction. Rather, you have come to see the act of lovemaking as a gift you are giving to your mate. Ideally, it is a gift that you give and enjoy together. Breakdowns in intimacy can lead to problems in other aspects of your relationship. It is time that you both focus on this issue.

There are about a hundred good books available on intimacy in marriage. Begin to explore the topic and learn more about it. My guess is that there is a lot about intimacy you have yet to learn, and putting yourself into that process may cause you to start counting frequency less and enjoying more.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.