Dear John: I've turned down two opportunities to meet new guys because I'm still bitter about how my last relationship ended. I was so deeply disappointed. I was dating this great guy for three months, then to my complete surprise, his ex-girlfriend resurfaces and I find out that he's been seeing her on the side.

I felt so used and abused that I've just not been able to go out on a date since. Any advice on how I can forget this guy and move on with my life? —Cheated On, in Columbus, Ohio

Dear Cheated On: Often we blame ourselves for things we had no actual way to know. Because of this blame, we hold back from starting a new relationship, certain somehow that more trouble must be heading our way. This is not a case of bad on you but a case of bad on him.

Your anger over how your recent relationship ended is tainting your view of all other relationships past, present and future. If we choose to shut out all those good memories, then a big part of our hearts will remain closed to the potential happiness a new relationship could bring.

Here's what I'd like you to do: Remember a time when you felt supported, a time when your partner was there for you in an unexpected way. Remember, as well, shared experiences. Perhaps think of a great trip that you took or an unexpected treat that you got to share together. It's all too common to see a past relationship only from the perspective of how it ended. Work to see beyond that and you'll recapture many of the moments that make loving relationships special and unique. It's no fun at all to feel like you've been cheated, but hearts, to some extent, were made to be broken.

Show the spirit and the courage that I'm certain is inside of you. Be bold enough to love again and accept the risks that come with opening your heart to another. The search for true love is certainly worth that and more

Dear John: My wife and I have been together for five years, and we're talking about starting a family. I'm 36, and she's 32. I think we're ready, but I keep thinking that I want to hold off. Having kids will change all that we now do and enjoy as a couple. There's a lot about being a dad I would like but a lot that scares me, too. How can I share this with my wife without upsetting her and making her feel like she'll never be a mom? —Uncertain Dad, in Jackson, Miss.

Dear Uncertain Dad: The first thing you should know is that there are a lot of men and women who are hesitant about taking that big step into being a parent. It is a great responsibility and a decision that, I'm sure you both know, should not be made lightly. Second, on a subject of this much importance, you must feel free to express your open and honest opinion. Voice your fears and concerns. To do anything less would be a disservice to your wife and to yourself.

In fact, the very process of giving voice to your fears may help you to work through these concerns. As a parent of three daughters and having four grandchildren, I know what a big step this can be. I have never regretted my decision to become a parent and I suspect that you won't, either. But you don't want to have this decision made for you. So let it all out. Talk it through with your life partner openly and lovingly and in the end, follow your heart.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"; Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.