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Responding to Poor Judgment
Dear Margo: This past year has been amazing for me. I successfully passed my first semester in college with a 4.0 while juggling friends and a job. I have a very goal-oriented boyfriend who is compassionate to boot! We have a lot in common and …Read more.
If It's Something Dire, You Will Know About It
Dear Margo: My husband is an only child in his late 30s. My father-in-law is terribly selfish. We live several states away, and because he's the only blood relative left, my spouse does his best to keep in touch with his father. It is rarely …Read more.
What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
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Marrying a Guy in the Mormon Closet. Oy.Dear Margo: My wife's 30-year-old daughter is quite immature emotionally and sexually. She has never had a boyfriend. Her father's family is Jewish, but she converted to Mormonism at 18. She has a close friend who is gay, also a Mormon, so he cannot come out to his parents — though most of his friends and a cousin who is also gay know of his homosexuality. (He is extremely effeminate.) I have gay male friends, so I have no problem with homosexuality — unless the homosexual wants to marry my stepdaughter. We've questioned her about the reasons for this marriage but haven't gotten very good answers. She freely admits that the boy is gay, but she wants to marry him anyway because they're such close friends. Can you help us understand this situation from an angle that maybe we haven't thought of? Can you help us know what to say to her to dissuade her from what we feel would be a very big mistake? — Really Unhappy Dear Real: Her wishing to marry a young man who is gay could be a gesture of friendship so that he can continue his pretense, at least to his parents, that he is straight. It could be that she is not interested in sex. It could be that she is not planning to stay married to him forever. And it could be that there is nothing else going on in her life right now so she's willing to play "Let's Pretend." I would have a serious discussion with her about all the ramifications you see, and then, as they say in gambling casinos, play it as it lays. I doubt there is anything you can say to change her mind if it's made up. — Margo, stoically The Inability To Move On Can Be Crippling Dear Margo: I have a problem.
As I spend more time away from her, I am beginning to realize that she is the cause of the problems in her life. Everything is a slight, and everyone who doesn't put her needs first is rude and thoughtless. I have spoken with some of the "perpetrators" to find out why they would leave her out or be mean. Everyone has the same observations: She is thin-skinned and takes offense at the most minute things. Now she's starting to treat me like everyone else. I hear about our not connecting like we used to, how it was so much better when I was little. It is obvious to everyone in our family that she's depressed and needs medication and therapy, but she says she is too old (50) to change. Is there anything I can do? — No Longer the Little Girl Dear No: Your mother gave you a wonderful childhood against all odds, but she neglected to carve out a life for herself. You were her world, but you grew up and took her world with you. What I recommend is that you tell her that 50 is in no way too old to change or turn things around. Suggest that she invested everything in you and now that is not workable. Urge her to see a mental health professional and start talking. — Margo, hopefully *** Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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