Dear Ann Landers: When my sister remarried two years ago, her new husband did not want to raise her son from a previous marriage. In those two years, the boy lived with an aunt, a grandmother and an uncle. Now he is living with me, and I plan to keep him. He is a wonderful, adorable child, and I love him.

The problem is his mother gets government benefits for this boy. She won't give up the welfare check and refuses to give me some of the money to compensate for raising him. She also claims him as a deduction on her income taxes, yet she is not supporting him at all.

Should I just forget about the money and consider the boy my own, or should I try to persuade my sister to take care of him? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. — Ticked Off in Texas

Dear Ticked: You say your sister's son is "a wonderful, adorable child" and you love him. His own mother doesn't want him, and you don't know what to do? Forget about his mother's chiseling on the welfare checks. Keep the boy, and consider him a blessing in your life. And please be aware that you are a blessing in that child's life, as well. If he doesn't know it now, he will later.

Dear Ann Landers: I recently married "Jim," a man 20 years my senior. It was a second marriage for both of us. Jim's first marriage lasted 22 years, and there were no children. Since his divorce (which was before I met him), Jim and his ex-wife have maintained a very close relationship. Last week, Jim lost a dear friend, whom I knew briefly. I comforted him the best I could, and he was most appreciative. He said there would be no memorial service and that his friend would be cremated.

While listening to our answering machine, I heard a day-old message giving details of the funeral service. I asked Jim about the message, and he admitted there would be a service but said he hadn't invited me to attend with him because his ex-wife planned to go. He said if she saw us there together, it would upset her.

I am not the type of person to inflict pain on anyone, so I told Jim to go to the funeral without me. Jim and his ex-wife attended the service, which was followed by a reception. I feel pain in my heart that he did not ask me to go with him and that he feels no remorse about the incident. What do you make of this? — Bewildered in Texas

Dear Texas: I think Jim still may be emotionally attached to his ex-wife, and apparently, she has some feelings for him. Don't make an issue of this. Be warm and comforting. Remember: If a man is fed well at home, he will not be inclined to go to restaurants.

"A Collection of My Favorite Gems of the Day" is the perfect little gift for that special someone who is impossible to buy for. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $5.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Collection, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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