Dear Ann Landers: I am a 34-year-old single physician who never has been married or even come close. The truth is I never found anyone I truly wanted to be with — until last year. Sound good? Well, wait. The woman I have fallen in love with is a very youthful 53-year-old — and she is married.

I do not want to jeopardize her marriage by having an affair, but I do want a friendship with her. We talk on the phone two or three times a week, but she must call me from work to avoid arousing suspicion at home. I cannot call her house and ask her to have lunch with me or go to a movie.

Is there any proper, non-threatening way I could have a close relationship with this woman without upsetting her family? Am I better off just leaving her alone? I'm afraid I never will meet anyone else whose company I enjoy so much. Please give me some guidance. — A Smitten M.D. in N.C.

Dear N.C. Doc: Stop playing with dynamite before you blow up the woman's marriage and your medical practice, as well. Surely there is a single woman in North Carolina who would be an appropriate companion with romantic possibilities. Let your friends know you are interested, and put yourself out there. If you need an incentive, think about how your life would be enriched with a couple of children. That should do it.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for 12 years and are unable to have children. A year ago, my niece, "Nicole," became pregnant by her boyfriend, who then left her. She was 18. He was 20.

When her boyfriend walked out, my husband and I offered to adopt the baby. Nicole said she wanted to put the experience behind her and agreed to the adoption. The papers were signed. We live in another city, so we invited Nicole to move in with us until the baby was born. I accompanied her to the obstetrician during her pregnancy, and my husband and I were with her when she gave birth to her son.

Two days ago, Nicole's mother (my sister) called to say Nicole wants the baby back. It seems she and the ex-boyfriend have settled their differences and are going to be married. My sister matter-of-factly described the breakup as a "misunderstanding" and said the kids want to raise their son.

Ann, there are no words to describe how we feel. We want to retain custody of our son, but we don't want to put him through a long and protracted custody battle. Do you have any advice? We are — Living a Nightmare in New York State

Dear N.Y.: Check with a lawyer, and learn what your chances are of winning custody. If it is likely that you will lose the child, give him up willingly and avoid an ugly court fight that could drag on for years and create wounds that may never heal. I wish you luck.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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