Dear Ann Landers: Here are my spouse's excuses for avoiding sex:

I'm tired.

I'm too nervous.

It's hot.

It's cold.

I'm too full.

I have a headache.

I have a stomachache.

The kids might hear.

I have to go to work.

My mind is on other things.

It's too early in the morning.

It's too late at night.

I'll bet you think this letter is from a husband complaining about his wife. You're wrong. It's from a wife complaining about her husband. He is 50 years old, and I am 40. We are both too young to be giving up sex. If you have any suggestions on how to improve this not-so-hot relationship, I'd like to hear them. — Failing in Fresno, Calif.

Dear Fresno: The best way to improve a "not-so-hot" relationship is to heat it up. Be subtle but persistent. It sounds as if your husband is unsure of his ability to perform sexually. He needs reassurance, praise and the knowledge that you really do care about him. Start talking.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for 30 years. He is Italian, and I am Canadian. I speak only English. Whenever we are with my mother-in-law, she and my husband speak nothing but Italian.

My husband doesn't see anything wrong with this, even though I am left totally out of the conversation. He says the language is part of his heritage and it makes his mother happy. I would be more understanding if my mother-in-law could not speak English, but she speaks it very well.

When our children were growing up, I never made an issue of it because I wanted the children to feel close to their grandparents, but now, it is bothering me to no end. I feel completely excluded and avoid being with just the two of them. I say they are terribly rude. What do you say? — Excluded and Offended

Dear Ex.: I think you should have learned to speak Italian a long time ago. Get some elementary Italian grammar books at the public library, and ask your husband to help you. Start practicing with him. I'll bet he will be pleased, and your mother-in-law will be astonished.

"A Collection of My Favorite Gems of the Day" is the perfect little gift for that special someone who is impossible to buy for. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $5.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Collection, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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