Crowder Law Group by Malcolm Berko on Creators.com

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Crowder Law Group

Dear Mr. Berko: I contacted the Crowder Law Group to assist me with a loan modification. The people I talked to were very nice, and I have sent them two $600 checks and now they want another $600, but they haven't done anything for me. I heard them on satellite radio and they sounded really professional and good. It's been two months and all they did was send me some papers, which I finished, but they will not return my call or give me my money, which I had to borrow to pay them. Can you help me, please? — R.G., Gainesville, Fla.

Dear R.G.: A lot of satellite radio advertising may be the most unreliable, misleading and crooked information source in the Milky Way. Many of the firms advertising on Sirius and XM Radio also advertise on the Internet, send flyers in the mail and advertise in some of the weekly mullet wrappers that are tossed on your driveway. However, many complaints I've received are from readers who listen to satellite radio, believing they can get their financial house back in order. And these advertisers, who would steal wax from their mother's ears and sell it for a profit if they could, tell every sucker the same thing: that they can remove bankruptcies from your credit record; that they can remove judgments, liens and bad loans from your record; and that they can eliminate your bad credit immediately and can create a new identity so you can be merrily on your way again.

Many counseling firms will tell you that they can settle all your credit card debts for 20 cents on the dollar with an easy payment plan. Then you discover after six months they are keeping all your payments.

One of the biggest scams is something called "turning your debt into equity." This scam promises to show you how to pay off your huge mortgage in just two years without earning a centime more than you make today. But the Crowder Law Group takes the cupcake. Crowder has successfully pillaged thousands of unsuspecting consumers out of tens of millions of dollars. Jackson Crowder, a California lawyer who owns this firm, hires a very skilled and persuasive sales force to euchre money from callers for loan modifications, bankruptcy filings, credit card debt eliminations, to satisfy IRS judgments and erase bank loans, liens and judgments from your credit reports.

Crowder and his blackguards sometimes represent themselves as being a Federal Consumer Assistance Agency, or FCAA.

I'm surprised that these serial deviates are still doing business in Florida. (Of course, anybody can get away with nearly anything in Florida if they have enough money to pay the right legislator.) Jackson

Crowder is not a nice man and some say he has a sour earnestness that makes even dogs and psychopaths cynical. Crowder has your money and I can't help you get it back unless I use a couple of Tasers ... not to imply he deserves a couple jolts. I can only tell you to get in line and file a complaint with your city police department, who may come to the same conclusion. And even if they do, pigs would sooner learn to fly before you get your money back.

However, the following "watchout!" signals may help others before the numerous crooked credit repair services get hooks into their flesh. So stay away from credit repair or credit counseling that suggests you enter into a lease agreement so you can remain in your home; that tells you to forward your mortgage payments to them; that tells you not to contact your bank or your lawyer; that wants you to sign your deed directly to them; that pressures you to sign paperwork and contracts and tells you that it is not necessary to have a lawyer review the documents; that insists you pay for some of their credit services before they provide help; that doesn't want you to contact your credit card company; that tells you they can eliminate all the negative information on your credit report; that will help you apply for an employer identification number to use instead of your social security number; that will set up your personal corporation to apply for loans and credit cards; that will advise you how to "sanitize" the numbers on loan or mortgage applications; or that guarantees they can stop a foreclosure no matter what your circumstances.

The state of Florida provides free credit counseling services that are just as good as the legitimate (if there are any) "pay and pray" services that will charge you a fee. Another source of help is your CPA or accountant. He may be able to give you assistance or may know of an honest credit repair service that has advised some of his clients.

Please address your financial questions to Malcolm Berko, P.O. Box 8303, Largo, FL 33775 or e-mail him at mjberko@yahoo.com. To find out more about Malcolm Berko and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.