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Spineless Parents Breed Spoiled Brats
Dear Annie: My husband has twin 28-year-old daughters. They are hardworking and smart, and any parent would be proud of their achievements.
I began dating my husband five years after his divorce, and we married three years later. However, when I was supposed to meet his daughters, they told him they would chase me away if I visited. The relationship went downhill from there. They threw my possessions into the backyard while we were not home, threatened to kill me, vandalized our house, tried to run me over, ambushed me with a bucket of water when I stepped out the door, were cruel to my dog and more. We moved 2,000 miles away.
Now that our parents are getting old, we are thinking of moving back to our hometown to be near our families. But I don't know how to handle his daughters. They text, phone and email their dad, but never acknowledge my existence. We send birthday and Christmas presents from both of us. Their mother and I get along well, but she only chastises them by saying they are "exhibiting inappropriate behavior." They still live with her, and I think she is intimidated.
My husband owns a farm nearby and we have been trying to sell it, but the daughters use that property and chase all prospective buyers away. We have offered to sell it to them at a good price, but why should they buy it when they can use it for free? We can't afford two house payments.
My husband has no leverage with them. He won't do anything that could get them into legal trouble that may affect the rest of their lives. I don't know what to do. — Anguished in Oregon
Dear Oregon: These spoiled brats have been out of control for years because they have two ineffectual, spineless parents, and there never have been any consequences for their behavior. Your husband can sell the farm by having a broker handle prospective buyers by appointment only. But make it clear to your husband that if they vandalize your home, threaten you or hurt your pets, you will call the police. And he should convey that message to his errant daughters.
Dear Annie: My sister "Rose" and I are as different as night and day. She also is 17 years older than I am.
I am now in my late 40s, and although Rose and I get along, there is one thing that causes me grief. Every time we speak, she feels the need to remind me of what a spoiled brat I was when I was a teenager. She's right. But I'm not that way any longer. She makes it clear that she still is not OK with this, so I've apologized for my teenaged self. Repeatedly. It hurts to know that she can't let it go.
I truly love my sister. My question is, should I confront Rose? If not, how do I deal with the continued belittling? — Little Sister in California
Dear Sister: It might help to talk to Rose. Remind her that you are no longer a spoiled brat, and ask why she is having such a hard time forgiving your teenaged self. Perhaps there is a reason she keeps bringing it up. If she cannot recognize her obsessive behavior or stop it, the best you can do is say, "Yes, Rose," and then change the subject.
Dear Annie: Here's my two cents about dogs' names. While visiting my daughter, her 4-year-old neighbor asked me, "What is your name?" When I replied, "Lucy," he said, "My friend has a dog named Lucy."
Unless you make up an original name for your pet, someone will have the same name. I discovered that Lucy is among the top names for dogs. I still laugh about it. Lighten up, people. — Lucy in Shreveport, La.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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27 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1 - I have to beg to differ about spoiled brats being the result of *two* spineless parents. I can vouch it only takes one who is spineless, AND undermines the other parent's efforts to discipline and bring consistency into the picture, especially if the parent enabling the bad behavior is using it as a crutch to keep blaming a former spouse for divorcing them. Do not ask me how I know this... and yes that is speculation on my part, based on experience, but if the ex-wife is just passing off their behavior so flippantly, it makes me wonder.
That said - I question why the LW is saying anyone would be proud of her stepdaughters. Regardless of their hard work and achievements, they're still bitter and acrimonious, and IMHO that neutralizes an awful lot.
I think the Annies provided some good suggestions. The LW shouldn't have to worry about her health and safety or about property getting damaged if her stepdaughters are still that vindictive.
I also believe that the husband shouldn't worry about getting his daughters in legal trouble given they're essentially freeloaders. He should consult an attorney about getting them banned from the property or get a restraining order placed that orders them to stay off the farmland so that a broker can indeed sell it without any further disruption.
LW2 - Grrr... my parents and brother did this to me too. It's a way of putting you in your place and humiliating you. Not. Cool.
I'm going to assume you have asked her to stop or protested this at least more than once. If you have told Rose how much this hurts and she's doing it anyway or accuses you of being "too sensitive" as her excuse to continue, then she's transgressed the line over to being emotionally abusive.
If you still want to spend time with her nevertheless, warn her next time: "Please stop bringing up that stuff. I've already told you how that makes me feel. If you cannot respect my request, then I cannot participate in this conversation anymore." If she blows you off or does it again, follow through and leave *immediately*.
I've found that with people who really do respect others, this tactic is very effective... those who don't care, well, that's another story.
If after doing this a few times she persists or is worse, then you may need to consider whether spending time with your sister is worth the hurt and her deliberately re-infecting your relationship this way. Blood is not thicker than water.
LW3 - Let's let sleeping dogs lie, shall we?
Comment: #1
Posted by: PS
Sun Jan 1, 2012 9:39 PM
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28 year old twins who still run the show? Some one should have paddled them years ago, a bit late to start but the feeling is the same. If their mom, whom they live with, is possibly fearing them as well, that is parent abuse. Pull their rug out from under them and let it fly.
Hire someone to sell the farm--making that realtor the ONLY ONE with keys. Anyone else is a trespasser.
Your husband won't do anything that will affect them the rest of their lives? He already has. He has brats he had a part in the being submissive to them. For them not to be out on their own, they must have special needs--mentally or physically--or just plan UGLY inside and out, for not having a life of their own. You don't have to have a DR PHIL intervention to get it--YOU as the parents have to stop the behavior. And do it legally, whether they get into trouble or not. Tough love usually comes at earlier stages and children benefit from it but the only thing here is the hold out for a death/funeral/will to break the "SPELL" they have on their parents.
This will be one of those articles in the paper that people will laugh at--the stupidity of the parents all along--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LW2: Difference in sisters. Tell your sister you have changed--in fact everyone has changed. Maybe she was made to be your clean up person---all those years you were the brat. Maybe she is afraid of being taken advantage of by you--maybe a trait of the past you still hold? When you destroy trust, it takes alot of get it back, not turning a certain age and by MAGIC you are a decent human being. You have to prove it to someone who watched you be the horrible person you say you were. Just calling it the brat is always the simple term.
Refer to Letter 1. That could be what you sister dealt with too. Either way, work hard to get your trust back. Maybe she is not the only one who sees you as you used to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LW3: Interestingly the name chosen was Lucy. My little granddaughters had to put their 15 year old golden lab LUCY down yesterday. The 9 yr old went with her mom, other grandma to the vet for the procedure. They stood beside her as she went to sleep. So last night when the 9 yr old was crying at bed time, I reminded her that Lucy was in heaven playing in a big green grassy yard with her uncle and great grandpa--as they both loved dogs. All good dogs go to heaven to wait for their masters. Cardinal rule of all dog lovers.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Sun Jan 1, 2012 9:46 PM
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LW1:
The Annies miscounted. There are THREE spineless adults here, and you, LW1, are one of them! These weren't young children acting out of confusion and hurt, they were/are adults acting out of calculated malice. By failing to prosecute their behavior at the first criminal incident, you lost the power game then and there.
In the name of love, you married a man who could not/would not control his daughters. As a couple, you fled the battlefield rather than stand your ground. And by his continued cowardice, your husband makes it clear the kids are more important to him than you, your parents, and your economic security.
The Annies were right to suggest a broker. I would also suggest bringing in a sheriff (eviction) and a lawyer (prosecution and/or divorce).
To the "other" Michelle - I have changed my name to "Snarf" to prevent confusion between us.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Snarf
Sun Jan 1, 2012 9:54 PM
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LW1-
"Now that our parents are getting old, we are thinking of moving back to our hometown to be near our families."
Don't. Part of your "family" includes psychos who threatened to kill you.
"Their mother and I get along well, but she only chastises them by saying they are "exhibiting inappropriate behavior."
Their mother is a typical passive-aggressive who performs her dirty deeds through others. The reason why she's so mamby-pamby about the girls' shenanigans is because she secretly agrees with them.
"They still live with her, and I think she is intimidated."
Nope. This is tacit approval, which is why they're so brazen and bold about it. Perhaps not so tacit. God knows what's being said in the cozy privacy of their wam, loving home.
"My husband owns a farm nearby and we have been trying to sell it, but the daughters use that property and chase all prospective buyers away. "
Either you forget about selling the property and just transfer it to them in lieu of an inheritance, or change the locks. No other alternative. Do keep in mind they are quite capable of vandalism when twarted. And you know full well that your husband is a wimp who is not prepared to call the sheriff if need be.
"My husband has no leverage with them. He won't do anything that could get them into legal trouble that may affect the rest of their lives."
It's not leverage he's lacking, it's balls. Their behaviour is criminal and they should be charged. He doesn't care.
"But I don't know how to handle his daughters."
They are not "handlable", unless your spineless husband is willing to man up. He's not. It's evident his choice is clear.
"I don't know what to do."
Considering where your husband's true loyalties lies... divorce. Sorry. You are not first for your husband and his crazy daughters are dangerous. Get out before someone gets killed - your dog and/or you (possibly both).
LW2-
Apart from what the Annies suggested... You might want to ask her if she has a time machine that allows you to go back in time so that you're NOT a brat in the past. Since she doesn't have one, you might well snap, "AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ABOUT IT, JUMP OFF A F*@#$%&* BRIDGE?"
P.S.: Boo-hoo-hoo, hissy fit and diva tantrum, I'M NOT THE FIRST ONE TO POST! Kyle/John Dung, if you're still up at 1:53 (the current time here), you're welcome to beat me to it.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Jan 1, 2012 10:56 PM
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LW1-I've seen this a million times. You need to use tough love. Call 911 if they attack you and press criminal charges, plus a restraining order. As for the farm, if it's in your husband's name, it'll be up to him to make them stop. One thing you could try is buying the farm from your husband at a very low price, then you can be responsible for calling 911 and charging them with trespass, vandalism, theft, animal abuse, etc.
Lw2-Say, "yes, I was a spoiled brat when I was a kid, and I had such a great time being that way, and it's a shame that you were 37 years old and were nothing but a stuffy grown-up."
Comment: #5
Posted by: Roger
Sun Jan 1, 2012 11:00 PM
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LW1 - These two women threatened to kill you and tried to run you over and you never called the police?? Why?? If it's because you were afraid your husband would leave you then you're better off without him. Tell your husband that if his daughters threaten you again or attempt to do harm again than you are calling the police, no if's, and's or but's. If he doesn't like it, then he and the psycho sisters can go live together on that property unhappily ever after.
Speaking of that property, you said your husband owns it so I assume the deed is not in your name, too. Since it's his, there's nothing you can do about it legally. Your husband has to be the one to put his foot down and put a stop to their behavior regarding it.
Honestly, if your husband does not support you on protecting yourself, then you should consider divorcing him. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder while your husband just shrugs his shoulders?
LW2 - Ugh, I feel your pain. I, like all other toddlers, went through a terrible 2's and 3's stage. Apparently I could throw a tantrum like no other! I'm now 34 and my grandmother will not let me forget it. Almost every time I saw her, she had to tell the same old stories of how much of a brat I was when I was a toddler. And years ago when I got engaged, she grabbed my then-future husband the first time she met him and started telling him all of the "she was such a brat" stories.
One day (I think this was about 3 years ago), she started telling one of the same old "she was such a brat" stories while some other family members were present and I said, "Do we really have to hear the same ol' damn story again?? Okay, so I was a brat when I was a toddler. Okay, I get it...I was a brat who made your life miserable! I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry I was just such a horrible toddler that you still can't get over it over 30 years later!" She just stared at me for awhile and then said, "Fine." She has yet to tell another story.
By the way, I believe your sister does this (and also why my grandmother did this) is purely because of projection. Projection is, "a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, usually to other people. Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others originate those feelings."
And thank you Snarf :)
Comment: #6
Posted by: Michelle
Mon Jan 2, 2012 3:01 AM
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Re: Joyce/MN...Although there's no information in this regard in LW2, I can't help but wonder if, considering the attitude of her "older sister", the LW's "older sister" isn't actually her MOTHER! After all, they are seventeen years apart in age. In order for the "older sister" to 'cover her own tracks' regarding (her own) bratty teen-aged behavior, the "sister" feels compelled to constantly belittle and berate the LW. That's a *normal* occurence in such situations. It's entirely possible that the LW doesn't know about this nasty, li'l family secret. This kind of thing does happen, you know, and probably more often than most people care to admit. And, Dear Joyce...for your granddaughters' sakes (and your other family members) pleez google THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. It's such a beautiful story of how our beloved 4-legged family members go on ahead and wait on us until Our Time comes.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Ms Davie
Mon Jan 2, 2012 3:03 AM
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LW2: "And what, exactly, would you like me to do about that now?" Said calmly, while looking at your sister.
Comment: #8
Posted by: hedgehog
Mon Jan 2, 2012 4:24 AM
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@ Ms Davie: That's a very odd take you had on LW2's problem, and as you said, there's nothing in the letter to suggest such a thing. But even if that IS the case (which I doubt), then the advice would be the same. I agree with hedgehog -- say, "What is it that you'd like me to do about it at this point?" Rinse and repeat.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Kitty
Mon Jan 2, 2012 4:33 AM
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Why would the sister actually be the mother? Plenty of people have a kid when they're young (e.g. 20) and another late in age (e.g. 37). Voila...17-year age difference. In fact I know of such a couple and the father is 36! (He was a teenage father--his two sons are currently 19 and 4.) Which is not to say that the dynamic can't still arise naturally. If someone was in their 30s when LW was a teenager, then she would've developed the "You're the kid, I'm the adult" attitude pretty early on and is clearly having a very hard time changing it. But a few reminders like, "And you keep bringing this up because..." and "But now I'm middle-aged and haven't been a teenager for nearly 30 years, so maybe it's time you joined us in the 21st century" should pointedly remind her that it's long past time to get over what happened decades ago.
@Michelle: I liked your story.
Personally, if I had two stepdaughters who thought nothing of vandalizing my house, threatening to kill me, throwing water on me and tormenting my animals, and a husband who would do nothing about it, I'd start keeping a shotgun around the house. "Oh, hi, you two. Back again?" *kch-kch* Seriously, when did 28 become the new 15? It seems like the older people get, the less willing others are to hold them accountable at an adult age, saying "Oh, they're young, they don't know better" about THIRTY-YEAR OLDS. These people are adults acting with the cognizance thereto. Call the fucking cops. If it pisses off your husband, so the hell what? What, you're supposed to be okay with being harassed and assaulted so his poor little feelings aren't hurt? Call. The. Cops. And tell your husband in no uncertain terms that he either stands up for HIMSELF (after all, it's his property either solely or jointly!) and puts a stop to the behavior, or YOU WILL, by means of getting a restraining order and/or sticking them in a jail cell. And then he can decide what's important to him--you, or the demon spawn running his life.
Comment: #10
Posted by: limniade
Mon Jan 2, 2012 6:35 AM
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LW1--"They are hardworking and smart, and any parent would be proud of their achievements." "They threw my possessions into the backyard while we were not home, threatened to kill me, vandalized our house, tried to run me over, ambushed me with a bucket of water when I stepped out the door, were cruel to my dog and more." Oh yeah, any parent would be sooooooo proud of these perfect little angels! These two sound like something out of 'The Parent Trap' from hell! I couldn't agree with the Annies more: these two are the product of a couple of spineless enablers who probably spent the girls' childhood buying them off. Now that they're adults, the parents are scared to death of what these twin terrors might do when they don't get their way. I bet they always get their way. It's time someone took charge and acted like an adult. The twins should be informed in no uncertain terms that the farm is up for sale that they are no longer allowed on the property. Give them one chance to remove anything they have stored there, then hire a security guard or deploy a couple of guard dogs to patrol the property. I'd strongly consider installing some wireless web cams in strategic locations around the house as well so that you have video proof if the girls decide to violate your orders. Have the girls arrested if they do anything to ward off prospective buyers, if they come near you or do anything to your property or person. Get a restraining order if necessary. It's time these two women realized that this is real life, not one of their childish little games. It seems like a stint in the slammer might do these two hellions wonders.
LW2--"Every time we speak, she feels the need to remind me of what a spoiled brat I was when I was a teenager." You've admitted to the fact that you behaved like a spoiled brat as a teenager and you've apologized for it to 'Rose' ad nauseum. What does she expect you to do, take out a billboard of atonement along the Interstate? The next time Rose brings up your bratty teen years, you say something like "Are you seriously going to beat that dead horse again? Every time you dredge up the past it hurts my feelings. Since we can't change the past and since we get along so well in the present why don't we stay here." Then change the subject. If Rose persists in bringing up your past, then perhaps you could gently suggest that the two of you might benefit from a session or two with a family counselor to help figure out why Rose can't seem to let go of the past.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Chris
Mon Jan 2, 2012 7:07 AM
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Just when I think I have heard everything, I read a letter from LW1. I can't for the life of me think why they are acting this way, unless they are mentally ill. Or afraid that daddy will sell his precious farm that they grew up on and it's all LW1's fault. Unfortunately, there is nothing she can do except stay the hell away from them. She needs to make it perfectly clear to the daughters and the ex wife she claims to get along with that if they threaten her, assault her, or do anything criminal again, she is going to the police and charge them with harassment/assault/whatever. If the father had a spine at all, he would have told these "kids" that if they didn't stop this nonsense, he is giving the land to the new wife. But he doesn't. SMH. But either way, LW1, move back home to be near your parents (they won't last forever) with your head held high, and a cell phone programmed to 911.
Comment: #12
Posted by: happymom
Mon Jan 2, 2012 8:13 AM
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Re: Kitty
Actually, Ms Davie's take is not so odd, considering the age of the protagonists. The sister is some ten years younger than I am, which would make her the age of a younger sister. I my generation, it was actually quite frequent that the child of a teenage mother be raised by her parents, while she was passed off as the aunt to save her reputation - when the child was not given into adoption. Safe abortion was difficult to find 45-50 years ago, not to mention that not everyone sees that as an option even now.
I don't know your age, Kitty, but If you're of the generation of my daughter or of her generation's children, you will find such a hypothesis quite far-fetched, which is a good thing, because it means that you don't live in the same world as we did.
@limniade
Indeed, plenty of people have children on the late, especially at a time when contraception was much less available and far less effective. Which is precisely why passing the child of your teenage daughter as your own was so plausible that few people questioned it.
And indeed we have no indication that this is the case (of course not - the LW wouldn't know), but it IS definitely possible.This being said, this is but one hypothesis among many others, and there are all kinds of reasons why the sister would have the attitude she has.
Fact is, the actual reason doesn't really matter. What matters is that she knocks it off. I fail to see anything being accomplished by the LW having her teenage hormone tantrums shoved in her face until the day she dies. Good flamin' grief, doesn't the sister have ANYTHING else to talk about? Perhaps she should take a class somewhere or start a hobby.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Jan 2, 2012 9:54 AM
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LW1; WOW! I am stunned that any man or woman for that matter would allow his or her children of ANY age to treat their spouse this way. I would have been out of that marriage at the first incident at the very least or when they threaten to kill me at the very most! There would not be ANY EXCUSE my husband could offer that would convince me to stay in the marriage if he were not willing to take action, legal and otherwise. What does staying in the marriage say about you? It tells me that you can not stand up for yourself either and you sure can't count on your husband to put his foot down. Moving 2000 miles away solved nothing, running from the problem instead of confronting it, yep that always gets the desired result. I'm surprised the twins didn't hijack the moving van and remove yours or your husbands belongings and then send it on it's merry way. This is about respect and control. They don't have to like you, but if they had any ounce of respect for their father they would be happy he found someone that he loved and that loved him. If he had any respect for you as his wife he would have ended this treatment of you at the very beginning. These women are nothing but bullies and they have been allowed to get away with this behavior all their lives. Unless you and your husband are willing to take what ever action is necessary, which I don't see happening you only have two options ...... divorce and live in peace or wait until they actually kill you and then rest in peace.
I too am a step-parent but "my boys" would NEVER even think of treating me this way or anyone else for that matter. They are my sons just as much as my own son. My son from my first marriage considers my husband his "Dad", he raised him since he was 13 and he's now 39 and they have a great relationship. My other two sons consider me their "other Mom" are grown with families of their own. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
Mutual respect is key to not only a successful marriage but also to a happy family. Unfortunately LW1 you have neither.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Bailey
Mon Jan 2, 2012 11:13 AM
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RE: Dog Names
For your amusement, my nickname is "Sparky". It may be a dog name, but everybody remembers it!
Have a great New Year!
Ms. SparkyFinley
Comment: #15
Posted by: Sparky Finley
Mon Jan 2, 2012 11:39 AM
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LW: I'd be interested in hearing the twin daughters' side of the story. Just sayin'.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Linda
Mon Jan 2, 2012 12:40 PM
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LW #1 -
A few suggestions:
1. Don't move back home to be near your parents. Move them out to Oregon. It will be easier in the long run, plus the vicious little harpies your husband fathered won't be near them.
2. If you must move back, get a restraining order against *before* the move, plus write down every single threat, assault, or act of vandlism. Give the list to your attorney or a trusted friend, and let them know that you have done this, and that if anything happens to you, your property, or your pets, your legal representative will immediately contact the authorities.
3. If your husband hasn't made out a will yet, INSIST that he make out one NOW spelling out precisely what is yours. If anything happens to him, the twins will almost certainly try to force you out of the family home and steal whatever assets the two of you have accumulated since your marriage.
4. I agree with whomever said that the twins should be given the farm immediately in lieu of inheritance. They should be told this as well, with the grounds being that they have forfeited any right to money or family heirlooms because of their appalling behavior.
5. If your husband will not agree to the above, RUN. Seriously. The abuse these girls have already meted out to you is grounds for prosecution. Your safety, and the safety of your pets, is at stake if you don't.
6. If any, ANY of these incidents have taken place within the last couple of years, report them to the local authorities whether your husband likes it or not. You have rights, too, and among them is the right not to be bullied, assaulted, and threatened.
7. If all else fails, get a divorce and start over. Good luck.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Ellid
Mon Jan 2, 2012 1:31 PM
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The Annies and the BTL writers are being far too easy on LW1's husband's daughters, in that curious way that we all tend to downplay the faults and actions of females. The daughters threatened her life (that's threats of murder, folks) and tried to run her over (attempted bodily injury or possible attempted murder). Calling them "spoiled brats" is astonishing understatement.
Imagine a man's adult sons acting like that! People wouldn't be calling them "spoiled," they've be appalled and outraged that the police weren't in and the husband's offspring prosecuted for their homicidal actions years ago.
There's a strong double standard in our culture that assumes that women are inherently "innocent" while men are inherently "guilty." It's so strong that I wonder if people reading this will be able to see and acknowledge my point, or will fall back on rationalizations. "Why, those girls are downright spoiled. But of course they couldn't have really meant the threats. After all, they're female."
Strange world we live in.
Comment: #18
Posted by: sarah morrow
Mon Jan 2, 2012 6:30 PM
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Re: Linda
Their "side of the story" would no necessarily be worth anything. I'm all for being fair and even-handed, but... "They threw my possessions into the backyard while we were not home, threatened to kill me, vandalized our house, tried to run me over, ambushed me with a bucket of water when I stepped out the door, were cruel to my dog and more." What "side of the story" can possibly excuse that kind of behaviour?
Comment: #19
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Jan 2, 2012 6:32 PM
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LW1: Don't have much to add everyone else hasn't said except to reiterate - get an attorney and get a restraining order. Nothing will change until they (the parents) change...
LW2: You may have been a brat as a teenager, but your little sister is proving a brat well beyond HER teens every time she brings it up. I would tell her that. I have a sis that can be obnoxious sometimes - the other two are intimidated by her so have nothing to do with her. I love her dearly and want her in my life, but I also have the guts to flat out tell her to knock off what she is saying repeatedly. She stops. Maybe that's why we get along so well.
LW3: I remember the original letter, I am, for one, obnoxious enough, that if ANYONE had an issue that my pet was the same name as them, or a parent, or a kid (whoever), I would be giving doggie (or kitty, depending on the pet) gifts to the human person with the same name claiming I got them mixed up. :-)
Comment: #20
Posted by: sotelling
Mon Jan 2, 2012 7:09 PM
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I disagree mom's "spineless" behaviour is necessarily tacit approval or encouragement. Frankly, at that age, if my adult children are being disruptive, it is between them and the police and their father or whoever they hurt. I am not going to run after them and spank them. If their father wouldn't call the cops on them I would certainly not punish them and would probably be pissed he was STILL trying to pass his parenting duty off onto me.
LW2... rather than suspect sis is your mom (wtf people??) I suspect it's more that she was a late 20s/early 30s woman with SMALL KIDS when you were being a brat and because you were being a brat your mother could not help her in the way sis would have liked because she was too busy looking after you and sis is still pissed. That said, she needs to shut up now. BUT you need to stop being bothered by it. I mean who talks about that stuff decades later?! Most teenagers are a bit stupid, insane, selfish, and brattish to one degree or another. It's not exactly unusual.
Comment: #21
Posted by: wkh
Mon Jan 2, 2012 7:13 PM
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I don't think the idea that Rose is the LW's mother is far fetched at all; I just read a story on cnn dot com a few minutes ago about a 100 year old woman who finally found the daughter she gave up for adoption when she was 17 (due to a rape).
I also know of a woman who gave birth out of wedlock in the 50's who gave the baby to her married sister to raise as her own. These things happen, people. Not a strange idea whatsoever. Wonder if that might have happened to Rose too and she takes out her anger on the sister/daughter? SOMETHING is making her stuck on the past.
LW1: Good heavens!! I sure hope the LW talks to the police or a lawyer to see if charges could still be filed, those girls are outright criminals. Shame shame shame on that husband for doing nothing!! People get wimpier every year.
Comment: #22
Posted by: jar8818
Mon Jan 2, 2012 8:09 PM
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To Ms Davie
I googled and came up with alot of sites, choosing the above cause it was a video--visual the little girls could understand.
Thanks for the referral and the thought.
I had posted thanks before about 3 hours ago, but it went away--trying it again. JN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This too went somewhere and I could not post it. Trying one more time. (4th time).
Comment: #23
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Mon Jan 2, 2012 8:48 PM
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Re: wkh
You would be right if the girls didn't live with her. As it is, to only say that they are 'behaving inappropriately", considering the level of violence they've already exhibited, is NOT how she should be describing it, and this much of an understatement does constitute tacit approval indeed.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Jan 2, 2012 9:16 PM
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I have a dog named Lucy, too. A friend of mine had a husband named Harry, who was elderly and not very well. Harry had a dog that he was very attached to and was bereft when the dog died. A friend gave them a young dog to cheer Harry up. The dog's name was Harry. They didn't name him that, but they didn't change it either. In fact, they kind of got a kick out of it. She called them "My two Harries". It's all a matter of attitude, isn't it?
Comment: #25
Posted by: Lynn
Tue Jan 3, 2012 4:50 PM
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I was a whiny spoiled brat when I was little, but I grew out of it.
My sister, who is much older, LOVED reminding me of my former behavior, particularly in front of people. She was on a roll one time, with a large audience, nearly all of them her friends and coworkers. I let it go for awhile and then said, very calmly, that I WAS a nasty little brat as a child, because the people in my life who should have corrected that behavior, mostly my parents, but also my adult SIBLINGS, didn't want to take the time to teach me how to behave correctly. It was a shame, but I grew out of it, and it's understandable that a child would behave badly if not taught otherwise. However, I couldn't understand how an adult would think it's OK to behave so badly as deliberately humiliate someone she supposedly loved at every opportunity because of ancient history. Could she please explain why that was appropriate?
She was embarrassed and her friends were uncomfortable for a little while, but I got my message across and she stopped.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Shirley
Wed Jan 4, 2012 1:27 PM
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LW2
When your sister begins with any of her repetitious behaviour, then excuse yourself and leave the room or house. If it is your house, then politely ask her to leave. You have put up with this for long enough (30 years?) and are due for some novation between the two of you.
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Comment: #27
Posted by: Word A Day Mate
Sun Jan 8, 2012 12:04 PM
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