Dear Annie: My husband and I have been friends with "Archie and Betty" for 20 years. Betty is my true tell-everything, do-everything, knows-everything best friend, and our husbands are also "best buds." As in many friendships, one side tends to go the extra mile. My husband and I have felt a lack of loyalty at times, but always decided the friendship was worth it.

Recently, Betty and Archie did something we never would have expected (involving one of our children and grandchildren). It was something you simply don't do to people who are like family. The feeling of betrayal is overwhelming. My husband cannot get through a day without saying, "I am so mad, I'm beside myself."

I called Betty the evening the incident happened and left a message on her machine and sent her an e-mail. She didn't call back, but her e-mail reply was very defensive. She said if she had it to do over, "maybe we'd do it differently." I'm sure that's the closest to an apology we will ever get. Archie has made no attempt to talk to my husband. Once again, they've left it to us to make the first move, but this time, I think they bear the responsibility of reaching out and trying to make this right.

We saw Betty at the store a few days ago, and she waved and smiled like everything was fine. We walked right past her. I have heard nothing since.

I don't know what to do. My husband refuses to be the one who "caves" and fixes a friendship that their actions have repeatedly shown is not important to them. Do we forgive or let it evolve into something smaller? I'm just lost. — Sweetieless

Dear Sweetieless: The loss of a close friendship can be devastating, but we agree that Archie and Betty have to make the first move. Otherwise, you will feel resentful that, once again, you had to bear the brunt of maintaining a friendship with people who apparently don't care as much, and you will never be able to trust them again. (We're not sure why you trusted them before.) If they refuse to make a sincere effort to mend the friendship, we're sorry to say, it's over.

Dear Annie: Many of my friends and I color our hair to hide a few gray strands. Our stylists have always told us to never do our own hair with an over-the-counter color kit because "it will turn a strange shade that can't be fixed" or "it will burn the hair and it will fall out."

Is there really a difference between the store-bought hair color kit and the solutions used by salons? The monthly visits can get expensive, especially when the touch-up areas are so minimal that it could easily be done at home. Our little group of moms will be anxiously awaiting the final word. — Just a Little Gray

Dear Just a Little: There is a difference between professional hair coloring and over-the-counter varieties. Inappropriately applied or overly harsh chemical solutions can damage hair, but if you are careful, it can be done at home. Use a manufacturer you trust, find the gentlest product available, have a friend come over to make sure you don't miss the back of your head, and follow the instructions closely.

Dear Annie: Thank you for publishing my letter on hearing loss and the Better Hearing Institute. We heard from many of your readers.

I am hoping you can bring our new website, www.hearingaidtaxcredit.org, to the attention of your readers. This site makes it easy for people to request from their congressmen passage of legislation that would provide up to $1,000 in tax credits (as opposed to a deduction) for the purchase of two hearing aids for people 55-plus and their dependents. Thanks again. — Sergei Kochkin, Ph.D., Executive Director, BHI

Dear Dr. Kochkin: We think this is an idea whose time has come, and we hope our readers will check your website and write their congressperson.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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