Dear Annie: My 15-year-old son, "Denny," has always been a handful. He's much larger than most kids his age, and people expect him to behave older than he is. We live in a small community. Once a rumor starts, it gains fire rapidly.

I am a single mother and try to keep an eye on him. I don't allow Denny to go to a friend's house unless there is a parent home. Recently, he visited a girl while her parents and younger brother were home. When I picked him up, things appeared fine. He stated he had a good time. They played with her younger brother and watched a movie. He also commented that he liked her parents.

Two days later, three older boys beat up my son. Apparently, this fine young lady must have said that Denny raped her. This rumor took off rapidly, and my son has been attacked numerous times, my car has been broken into, and he's afraid to go very far from home.

The girl claims to be clueless as to how these rumors started. She's apologized to Denny and insists she never accused him of anything, but I can't imagine how these boys would have even known he was in her home unless she said something.

I don't know what to do to keep Denny emotionally and physically safe. I'm contemplating moving to another town, but fear that leaving would be an admission of guilt. How do I battle these accusations? — Desperate Mom

Dear Mom: If nothing happened, the girl in question should be happy to say so to her friends. (And, by the way, her younger brother could be the gossip culprit.) If Denny is innocent and neighborhood boys are attacking him and vandalizing your car, you should call the police. This could result in a rape investigation, so first contact a lawyer and see how best to proceed.

Dear Annie: My cousin, "Ethel," is planning to visit my 85-year-old mother. Ethel is an overbearing, self-centered know-it-all. On previous visits, she has alienated all family members to the extent that nobody wants to see her.

My mother is a saint and says she's never met anyone she couldn't put up with for a couple of days. But she becomes extremely nervous when Ethel is in the house upsetting her routine. Mom has some health issues and tires easily. She's tried every polite excuse she can think of to discourage Ethel's visit, to no avail.

I suggested telling Ethel the truth, that there is no loving family feeling here that merits these repeat visits. Mom agrees, but probably won't be able to do it. I live in another state, so Ethel can't stay with me. Is there another recourse? — Daughter

Dear Daughter: With Mom's permission, pick up the phone and call Ethel. Be nice. Tell her it has become too exhausting and stressful for Mom to play hostess these days and you hope she understands that a visit is absolutely out of the question. Suggest instead that she write a newsy letter that Mom will enjoy much more.

Dear Annie: This is for "Never (Ever) a Guy," the 40-year-old lady who has broad shoulders and is questioned about whether or not she is really female.

I am a tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and athletic woman of 53. The reality is, I do look like a football player in drag when I wear dresses or skirts, and the more feminine the clothes, the more ridiculous I appear. But I look great in tailored jackets, tops and pants. There is a multitude of nice business and evening clothes for women that will minimize her "manly" traits rather than accentuate them. — Big Boned in Omaha

Dear Omaha: We received many letters from women with similar problems, and they all suggested taking photos or asking friends and relatives to help find the right clothing, haircut, makeup, etc. They also pointed out that she must develop the ability to ignore rude comments about her appearance.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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