Dear Annie: Several months ago, I came home from work to find that my mother had taken her things and moved out of our house. She served my father with divorce papers and told my sister and me that we should never contact her again because we were selfish and "took" from her, and that she failed in raising us. I was devastated and livid at the same time. I have not had contact with Mom since.

I've always done as much as possible for her and even agreed with her when she was wrong, but nothing ever satisfied her. I am still angry, but also afraid. For months before she abandoned us, she would do nothing but sit in bed in her pajamas, writing "books" on a laptop. She started eating only fast food, would not talk to other family members and, though she lived in the house, was preparing an apartment elsewhere. My father was oblivious.

Mom started fights and her health seemed in decline. I told her I thought she was suffering from depression, but she accused me of calling her "crazy." She is not working and gets by on temporary alimony.

My sister visited her at Christmas and said Mom had no food in her pantry and was not taking her prescription medication. She also noticed a lump on my mother's neck. I cried when she told me this.

I want to shake my mother back to reality. There is something wrong. If she is ill, I won't abandon her, but how do you help someone who refuses to see you? — Abandoned and Angry

Dear Abandoned: Between the lump on her neck and the irrational behavior, we think your mother needs to see a doctor immediately. Talk to your father and also to any of your mother's extended family members. Ask for their help in convincing Mom to seek medical care. You cannot force her to do this, but you should not walk away without a fight. It sounds like Mom needs some serious assistance.

Dear Annie: My husband and I enjoy going out to breakfast or dinner on weekends.

Recently, I've had the unfortunate experience of being seated near other diners who speak loudly about things you really don't want to hear, such as their bout of gastroenteritis or a recent ear wash. In both cases, the restaurants were small and crowded, so moving to another table was not an option.

Mind you, I'm not in any way squeamish, but this grossed me out. If I ever become body-function obsessed, I hope someone will clue me in if I start blabbing about it in public. Is there any polite way of letting them know that others don't really want to listen to such things while they're eating? — The Lab Lady

Dear Lab Lady: You mean you didn't want to start speaking about your hemorrhoids in hopes they'd get the hint? There's not much you can do in these instances except tune them out. If it's particularly disgusting, you can casually lean over and say, "I'm sure you don't intend for the entire restaurant to hear all these personal details. You might want to discuss something else."

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "We'll All Die Sometime," whose friend thought she was terrible for leaving an abusive husband who was terminally ill. The friend insisted on calling the ex-husband and then telling her about it.

As a hospice social worker, I have encountered many situations where the couple was on the verge of divorce, but stayed together because one was diagnosed as terminally ill. Not once have I seen the situation go well. Such an illness is stressful enough when a marriage is healthy. She should not feel guilty for leaving him. — J. in Alabama

Dear J.: Guilt can sometimes make us do things we shouldn't, and estranged spouses need to make the decision that works best for them.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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