Dear Doug by Doug Mayberry

Q: I realize my bad habits are self-destructive, but I am becoming angrier with myself in retirement. Just last week, my mailman put my mail in a neighbor's box. The next time I saw him, I really let him have it. Now I realize how unimportant the issue was. How can I apologize to my carrier and learn to become more balanced?

A: We all have our demons and need to face them before we reach the crisis stage. Psychiatrists suggest our reactions can be sourced back to our lack of self-esteem and need to control. There can be other reasons for how you handle your responses.

Begin by asking yourself why you respond to others as you do. Your answers may not come to you easily. Issues such as health, possible abuse, religion, financial and lack of family love can raise their ugly heads. Everyone attracts friends who are happy, balanced and reasonably content with their lives. Each day, try to predetermine how you can become more positive and happier. The classic recommendation of counting to 10 before reacting can be valuable. Simply ignoring an individual who angers you can also be an effective response.

The next time you see your mailman apologize and thank him for his service. Tell him you were having a bad day and that you are sorry.

When you awaken, remind yourself that aging is a gift and you have the choice of choosing your attitude.

Habit is your constant companion. In life's scheme, all we really have is time!

Q: We are moving to an active retirement community and will be changing doctors. Can you offer some guidelines for making our decision?

A: To begin, ask your new neighbors for their recommendations. Call two of them and ask the office manager if the doctor is taking new patients. If the answer is yes, confirm your insurance provider is acceptable and then schedule an introductory interview.

For the meeting, bring a written list of your medical history including your current symptoms and medications. Provide a copy of your former doctor's files. Make two copies of your questions, one for you and the other for your doctor to follow in order to get to know each other. Openly share your feelings about your needs.

As your new primary doctor, who are his backups? Where are his hospital affiliations located? The ability to become compatible and comfortable with each other takes time. Some doctors have excellent professional capabilities you need.

If you are satisfied with your first interview, hire the doctor. If not, you can always change doctors.

As Albert Einstein remarked: "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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