Do You Allow Negative People To Influence You? by Doug Mayberry on Creators.com

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Do You Allow Negative People To Influence You?

Q. Lately, my wife returns depressed after going to our retirement center. Last week, one woman criticized her for the outfit she wore, and another made a snide remark about being late for bridge. Now, she does not want to socialize there. How can I encourage her to go back?

A. There are always individuals who judge others and criticize them because they believe that makes them feel more important. Encourage your wife to ignore their comments and distance herself from the sourpuss group. Prepare her to say, "If you do not have anything positive to say, don't sit by me."

Socializing with positive friends who are enjoying life and having fun should be her goal. Groups tend to feed on one another's habits. Remind her that 80 percent of happiness is assuming a positive attitude and avoiding negative people. Encourage her not to be caught up in others' doom, gloom, judgment and criticism issues. Because we all want to be liked, we often accept others' opinions without giving them much thought. Many seniors have learned to speak-up when they reach that certain age. Sometimes, they even become quite vocal in expressing their opinions!

On every occasion, when it is appropriate, attend the center with her. I doubt many women will speak negatively to her when you are nearby.

In aging, which is our blessing, there are plenty of problems without stirring up more. Focus on the wonderful and thankful things we have the opportunity to experience daily.

As Josh Billings is quoted: "Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough."

My wife and I are mellowing into our new retirement home. Our kindly neighbors asked if we have signed a power of attorney and a health directive. We feel like dummies because we do not know what those papers are. Should we sign up?

A. Be thankful for your neighbors. In order to prepare for emergencies, two of the most important papers you should complete are your Durable Power of Attorney and an Advanced Health Care Directive.

These documents legally authorize a family member, friend or lawyer to make decisions for you in the event you are unable to do so. Emergency decisions can occur because of an accident, major medical diagnosis, financial deadline or other situation that calls for action. Each state has a different form and can be located through your doctor or hospital. The forms need to be witnessed. To be implemented, the individual or persons you name must be listed by name, address and phone.

I recommend you tape your Durable Health Care document in an easily identifiable envelope on your refrigerator to authorize paramedics and doctors to assist you in an emergency. Give your doctor a copy.

I am not a qualified estate planner, but there are many advantages to making an appointment with one. Many offer free workshops and checklists.

On Jan. 1, 2011, there will be a major change in the inheritance tax code if Congress does not revise it. Other options worth searching are the websites, your library and senior centers. Becoming more knowledgeable will be worth your time and effort!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life living in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find our more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com