Dear Doug by Doug Mayberry

Q: My wonderful pet cat, "Andy," and I shared our love, companionship and friendship for nearly 15 years. I have grieved over him for a year. Now, family and friends believe I should adopt a new kitten. Is that a wise idea?

A: The fact you are considering adoption leads me to the belief that you have already committed yourself to do so. Pets only ask for nutrition, fellowship and shelter. If you are able to provide that, why not brighten your days with a new buddy? Psychiatrists believe pets enrich our lives with their love, companionship, stress reduction, playfulness, and even allow us to live longer. Pets do not judge, criticize or compete with owners. A pet also makes you feel more responsible and needed, offering you a sense of purpose and reason for being.

You may be wise to consider choosing an older cat from a shelter. They can be less expensive and have been given health checks and shots. It is easier to determine their behavior, friendliness and toilet training. It takes a cat almost three months to take charge of its owner and how best to get those treats! As Mark Twain wisely said: "If a man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat."

Q: Our son and his wife are divorcing. His wife says she just wants her freedom ... no 5-year-old daughter, no money, no family responsibilities. This leaves our son without his wife's salary support system. Our son is asking if he and our granddaughter can move in with us. Should we allow this?

A: In most cases, the reality is most parents are not given an option.

If they do not agree, they face guilt, pain and consequences for their lifetime. Boomerang factors are increasing. Commitment and love are the keys to making smooth transactions. Life revolves around solving problems. Learning how to resolve them with positive and loving attitudes becomes instrumental in being successful.

If you accept his request, open discussion and communication are essential. A written and signed document, almost like a lease agreement, should list your rules, deadlines, responsibilities and regulations. Issues to be settled should include: moving in and out dates, who is the final disciplinarian, what are the boundaries, expenses he needs to pay, whether pets and guests are allowed, the household chores that will be assumed, if alcohol is permitted, and who will pay for baby-sitting, school transportation and other concerns.

In some families, parents are delighted to have their family live with them as they may be lonely, need financial or medical advice help, no longer drive and enjoy companionship. A full discussion with your son signing the document will help mitigate some of the frustrations and pain after he arrives. Use the document to remain focused on your goals.

It is important to make sure that every adult understands the new arrangement is temporary. Be cautious about making financial sacrifices regarding your own financial future. It is not advisable to invade your retirement funds, which can be taxable. Rarely is it repaid.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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