A Computer Gives You the Power by Doug Mayberry on Creators.com

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A Computer Gives You the Power

Q: After being a widower for three years, I am using excuses to disengage from my family. I fill my time with sports TV, reading and napping. The truth is I am lonely and feel guilty when I bother my family with letters and calls. How can I rid myself of these frustrations?

A: It is possible you are mistaken about how your family feels about you. They may be equally as frustrated about your negative responses when they try to keep in touch.

One of the greatest fears seniors experience is loneliness, yet we all want to retain our independence. As we age, we focus on our aches and pains and what lies ahead. Will we require a caretaker? Will we need to move to an assisted-living facility, or have the money to do so? Will our kids come and visit, call or care?

To change your attitude and become proactive in reuniting with your family, consider changing your lifestyle. For example, tell them you have begun daily 30-minute walks. This lets them know you are the new you. Invite a couple of friends to lunch, go bowling or share walks.

E-mail communication is today's primary communication highway. However, only about a quarter of individuals over 65 are computer active. Suggest to the family you want to learn how to e-mail. This is the simplest, fastest and cheapest way to keep in contact with your loved ones. I hope that they will encourage you to do so.

Almost all libraries have computers for your use and training.

Suggest your adult children and grandchildren visit and ask them to bring their laptops for training. Learning is not difficult, even 5-year-olds run computers. Amazingly, you will find yourself back in the loop with your family. Don't miss the opportunity!

Q: Our grandson's high-school psychology teacher's latest assignment is that he interviews his grandparents to learn the most important things they learned from their parents. We have four items on our list, but we would like to add more. What would you include?

A: Thoughts that could be helpful include the following: Love your family first. Take a positive attitude at least 80 percent of the time. Find a marriage partner with a lot in common. Commit to a religion. Learn the difference between love and sex. Prioritize your needs versus your wants. Live below your income. Life is not fair, get used to it. Build your self-esteem. Do not whine about your experiences. Get the broadest education you can. Be happy. Find your passion. Network yourself to find better opportunities. Think for yourself, not letting others do so. Schedule fun. Commit to learning something new every day. Character, not assets, is most important. If you are honest, you won't have to worry about being forgetful.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life after work in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.