Dear Doug from Creators Syndicate

Siblings Could Learn From Walking in Caretakers' Shoes for 07/06/2009

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My husband and I stepped in to take over responsibility for his widowed dad seven years ago. He was able to take care of himself alone for about four years. Then, when his health went downhill, my husband and his two siblings agreed that my husband and I would buy Dad's house, move in with him and deduct $1,100 a month from his retirement income for our caretaking. Dad now has developed Alzh ...

Updated: Mon Jul 06, 2009

Widower Anxious About Choices Now That He Is Alone for 07/13/2009

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: As a recently widowed male, I am trying to sort out my future. I feel vulnerable now that I no longer have a wonderful partner with whom to discuss major decisions. I have no children. With no one to turn to for advice, I am afraid to make new living arrangement and necessary financial decisions. How can I handle my anxiety?

A: Be patient. Take your time when making important choices ...

Updated: Mon Jul 13, 2009

Bridging the Gulf Between Bridge and Golf for 07/20/2009

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: After moving to an active retirement community, I was invited to play golf. Now, I play three times a week. However, my wife is nagging me about the frequency. She says she married me for love and companionship — not for golf! My wife plays bridge four times a week, two of them in the evening. She says I am addicted to golf. I believe she is addicted to bridge, but I never criticize he ...

Updated: Mon Jul 20, 2009

Flexibility a Must When Son Returns to the Fold for 08/03/2009

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Our son divorced a year ago and his ex-wife has remarried. His wife left our 6-year-old granddaughter with our son. He finds he cannot handle both raising her and keeping up with his career. Our son's apartment lease is up in four months, and he has asked if he and our granddaughter can move in with us. After considering the consequences, we have decided it is the right thing to do. We love ...

Updated: Mon Aug 03, 2009

It's the Ties That Bind Us to Clutter for 08/10/2009

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: We are in our late 60s, and have piles of "stuff" in our house and garage. We keep adding to the pile. Our family and neighbors think we are addicted. How can we rid ourselves of most of it?

A: Hoarding, storing and feeling guilty reflects our backgrounds. We do what we do because of our life experiences. Many families have, and are currently, suffered and struggled for food ...

Updated: Mon Aug 10, 2009

Grandparents Should be Celebrated More Than Once a Year for 08/17/2009

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Although we enjoy our three living grandparents, we have never made it a point to let them know how much we love them on National Grandparents Day. This year, it falls on Sept. 13. We have been remiss in not doing something special for them in past years. Our two grandmothers and a grandfather all live nearby. How can we thank them for making such a difference in our families' lives, and say ...

Updated: Mon Aug 17, 2009

Golden Anniversary Party Time for 08/24/2009

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My wife and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary with our children and friends in October. I want to express to my wife how much I love her. I am nervous about my speaking and want to keep it short, humorous and not boring. How can I do that?

A: Congratulations! Not many couples are as blessed. First, thank your guests for coming to the party and introduce your primary family and spe ...

Updated: Mon Aug 24, 2009

Keeping an Eye on Dad for 08/31/2009

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: Dad has been in the hospital twice in the last month. He lives alone, and we live about a mile away. When he has his heart emergencies, we dash over to take him to the hospital instead of waiting for the paramedics. After our most recent call, we realized how we panic, too. We need to create a checklist to be prepared when we get his calls. What is a good way to do this?

A: As an ongo ...

Updated: Mon Aug 31, 2009

When You Succeed, Try Learning More for 09/07/2009

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: I have been widowed for seven years. Prior to retiring, I held a midlevel management position and felt reasonably bright. Now, at 69, I have awakened to the fact that I feel dumb. My five grandchildren and their parents communicate with their computers, stick cords in their ears, speak by texting and are in constant contact. I feel like I am being left out of the loop. I do not have a comput ...

Updated: Mon Sep 07, 2009

Time is All We Have for 09/14/2009

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: We have lived in our big house for over 37 years and plan to move to an active retirement community in July. We also want to host a fun-loving farewell party for our friends, but are at a loss as how to make it memorable. Can you help us with some ideas?

A: Although you may not have purchased or leased a new home yet, you are able to visualize and anticipate how many rooms and total s ...

Updated: Mon Sep 14, 2009

Can I Keep my Credit Card? for 09/21/2009

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: I applied and received my first credit card 46 years ago. It is convenient to make purchases, to keep a record and helps to avoid carrying too much cash. I rarely make late payments or pay interest. Recently, one friend lost his credit privileges and another had her credit limit lowered without warning. Should I expect the same treatment?

A: Possibly. Bank mergers and failures, govern ...

Updated: Mon Sep 21, 2009

Wise Advice for Tough Times for 09/28/2009

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My wife and I thought we had it made when we both retired at 65. Now, we are counting pennies. After we buy groceries, pay utilities, make car payments, pay taxes and make our church pledge, we find ourselves tapped out. What can we now do?

A: There are no givens. Employees paying Social Security taxes are concerned about their payback. Now, some individuals define long-term employmen ...

Updated: Mon Sep 28, 2009

I Forgot the Bananas! for 10/05/2009

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: In aging, one of my most frustrating problems is becoming forgetful. What really bugs me is I can remember the red dress I wore the night I met my husband, but yesterday I couldn't recall my best friend's name. Is there a reasonable explanation for these gaps?

A: Our brain records everything we do. The problem is, which file is it in? Logic would have it that the secret is filed under ...

Updated: Mon Oct 05, 2009

Time is All We Have for 10/12/2009

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: I realize my bad habits are self-destructive, but I am becoming angrier with myself in retirement. Just last week, my mailman put my mail in a neighbor's box. The next time I saw him, I really let him have it. Now I realize how unimportant the issue was. How can I apologize to my carrier and learn to become more balanced?

A: We all have our demons and need to face them before we reach ...

Updated: Mon Oct 12, 2009

Do You Allow Negative People To Influence You? for 10/19/2009

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q. Lately, my wife returns depressed after going to our retirement center. Last week, one woman criticized her for the outfit she wore, and another made a snide remark about being late for bridge. Now, she does not want to socialize there. How can I encourage her to go back?

A. There are always individuals who judge others and criticize them because they believe that makes them feel more ...

Updated: Mon Oct 19, 2009

Adoption for Love for 10/26/2009

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Q: My wonderful pet cat, "Andy," and I shared our love, companionship and friendship for nearly 15 years. I have grieved over him for a year. Now, family and friends believe I should adopt a new kitten. Is that a wise idea?

A: The fact you are considering adoption leads me to the belief that you have already committed yourself to do so. Pets only ask for nutrition, fellowship a ...

Updated: Mon Oct 26, 2009

DEAR DOUG for 11/02/2009

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Q. Because of limited work available as a part-time plumber and repairman, a friend recommended me to cook meals for a 92-year-old man and his 100-year-old wife. I was hired, and now I am a full-time caretaker, which even includes vacation pay.

However, the couple's son is now pushing his parents toward moving them to an assisted living facility because of their ages and extended family ...

Updated: Mon Nov 02, 2009

A Computer Gives You the Power for 11/09/2009

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Q: After being a widower for three years, I am using excuses to disengage from my family. I fill my time with sports TV, reading and napping. The truth is I am lonely and feel guilty when I bother my family with letters and calls. How can I rid myself of these frustrations?

A: It is possible you are mistaken about how your family feels about you. They may be equally as frustrated about y ...

Updated: Mon Nov 09, 2009

The Joy of a Relaxed Thanksgiving for 11/16/2009

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Q: Thanksgiving is our favorite holiday. In our retirement village, neighbors celebrate with open houses, barbecues and potluck dinners. However, several of them find it difficult to join in because of physical handicaps or do not feel comfortable in coming alone to parties. Is there a way to help them celebrate with us?

A: Yes. Your thoughtfulness can become one of your best Thanksgivin ...

Updated: Mon Nov 16, 2009

Options for Seniors Returning to the Work Force for 11/23/2009

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Q: My husband wanted to retire at 62, and we did so. Now with the economy in a downspin, we realize we retired too soon. One of our sons has lost his job and we trying to help him, too. Can you suggest re-entry employment opportunities for my husband?

A: Seniors now compete with peers, early-bird yuppie retirees, teenagers and students for work. Employers are flooded with applicants and ...

Updated: Mon Nov 23, 2009