DR. WALLACE: I'd really like your opinion. I am 5 feet 5 inches and weigh 103 pounds. I'd like to get down to double digits (99 pounds), but my friends and family think I'm already too thin and need to gain four pounds instead of losing four pounds.
My best friend says that I'm anorexic. Even though I don't eat breakfast or lunch, I try to eat a balanced supper. I tried eating a light lunch, but I had to stop because I was really feeling guilty. Please tell my friend I'm not anorexic because anorexics do not eat well-balanced suppers. I'm just on a diet. — Nameless, Charlotte, N.C.
NAMELESS: Your letter worries me. I don't know if you are anorexic — it's not my place to make a diagnosis — but something is clearly going on with you regarding food and weight that contains many of the warning signs of an eating disorder.
Why do you want to weigh 99 pounds? What made you feel guilty about eating a light lunch? Even though you're very thin, do you feel that you weigh too much? I urge you to discuss your eating patterns with your parents and ask them to make an appointment for you with a mental health professional who specializes in weight issues.
You need some sound advice about nutrition and health. I fear that you're pushing yourself in the wrong direction. I have been advised by several dietitians that a well-balanced, nutritious breakfast is the most important meal of the day for maintaining good health.
MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE
DR. WALLACE: My parents both have bad tempers and they often get into heated discussions. When that happens, they try and drag me into the argument by asking me who I think is right.
Most of the time it's my dad who is right, but if I say that, my mom gets upset with me. I can't win! I try not to get involved when they argue, but somehow I'm dragged into it. I'm getting tired of being the scapegoat. Now I know how a referee feels. Help! - Nameless, Geneva, Ill.
NAMELESS: Parents should never drag their children into their arguments, let alone make them act as referees. Whenever you sense a heated discussion coming on, make yourself scarce. If possible, leave the house. If you can't do that, at least go to your room. Mom and Dad will have to learn to settle their own disputes.
NO MORE FLOWERS
DR. WALLACE: Todd and I stopped dating a month ago because he became too possessive. He got angry if I talked to another guy. I also didn't care for him anymore and told him that I would never go out with him again. I told him not to call me or to contact me in any way.
Lately, he has been sending me flowers to my house. The note says, "I'm sorry. I love you, Jeff." I called him and told him that I wouldn't accept any more flowers and to stop wasting his money. He continues to send flowers, and I continue to refuse them when they are delivered. Is there anything I can do to get him to stop wasting his time and money? My mom says I should keep the flowers and give them to a nursing home. - Nameless, Fort Worth, Texas
NAMELESS: Continue refusing the flowers. Eventually, this guy will get the message — or run out of money.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2011 CREATORS.COM
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6 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1 may not be anorexic, but she does seem obsessed with the notion of weighing less than 100 pounds. She's about 3 inches too tall for that and should consider putting on at least 10 pounds. There's no point in being so thin that people are always whispering about how sickly you look. Surely that isn't what LW1 is going for.
Comment: #1
Posted by: LouisaFinnell
Sun Dec 11, 2011 10:01 PM
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LW1: You have at least two classic signs of anorexia -- the fact that you believe you're "not thin enough" (despite family and friends telling you that you are TOO thing) and the kneejerk denial and rationalization; you need to get a doctor's opinion, as advised; height-weight charts online indicate you are below a healthy weight for your age and height.
LW3: You're doing the right thing.Your mom is misguided; perhaps she is fortunate enough to have never dealt with someone like Jeff (who has some unhealthy ideas about relationships). Continue to stay firm, or he will redouble his efforts, figuring he can buy his way back into your good graces. And if he succeeds in that, you can expect that he will feel entitled to be even MORE controlling than he was before, because "I spent all that money on you."
Comment: #2
Posted by: hedgehog
Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:36 AM
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The healthy weight formula for the average sized female in the young years of their life (teens/20s) is at 5 feet your basis is 100 #. For each inch after 5 feet you had 5 #. This is the healthy weight range. And since teens are active (mostly) and carry more muscle weight than fat weight, your top weight at 5'5" is 120 lbs. As we age, the formula changes. You m ay find if you are in sports/active in weight lifting, other forms of muscle building, your weight may exceed this. Muscle indeed weighs more, BUT burns more efficient to maintain the level you are at. If you start burning your muscle when you rob yourself of nutrition--you damage your kidneys for starters.
This has been the rule of thumb measure for many years.
As long as you are aware of your food make up, choosing wise and skipping junk--a calorie is a calorie. At an upper age, I choose carefully EVERYTHING that must go in, as it lands on the butt if I don't.
Being too think can put you at risk for bone breakage, immune system as well as organ system failure. Somethings can't be reversed very well. And then there are those who die.
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LW2: Tell ex boyfriend IT IS OVER. DONE. NEVER TO GO BACK. You are not a belonging of anyone. HIs behavior is the classic beginning of many abusers. Not that he would be, but be aware.
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OK keep a calender out in front of them. Write their names on the days they have an arguement and request your input. THis will also let them see the tally of how many times they fight AND stisck you in the middle.
O.K. Tell them, that starting with arguement #1 and you have to pick who is right, the one who is right has to do something nice for the one who was wrong. And if their arguements include you more than 1 time per week, they have to pay up $20 bucks up front--each one. Make being a mediator worth their involving you.
Keep this information, over time, it will tell whether it is usual family issues or needing professional mediation. Tell them that at a certain number, they will have to pay up something big. You decide what that is. Forfeit the cell phone/lap top for a week, etc.
If they make you the child the center of their resolution, then your payoff needs to be good.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Mon Dec 12, 2011 11:30 AM
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LW2 and Joyce/MN - I think that your basic idea is good - prove to the parents that they are going overboard on the number of times they involve the child.
But - HOLD ON - who is the parent? The child/teen should not be in charge of withholding privileges! Imagine the power tripping --- Take away the car keys? No wine for you this weekend old man! Better to just say "No, I'm not getting involved."
LW3 - is it Todd, or Jeff? Maybe you are refusing flowers from the wrong male? Just kidding - the advice from Dr Wallace and posters is good. :-)
Comment: #4
Posted by: Beguiling Miss Pasko
Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:44 PM
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My thought was if the child was put into the position of the mediator ADULT, she should have the abililty to carry out consequences.
I always tell my children/grandchildren choices and behaviors they have/make have consequences. Sometimes that means someone other than them will be in charge of a punishment they don't like.
And if putting their child in the position of the adult and they the children, they may come to see the flip of the normal family setup.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Mon Dec 12, 2011 2:06 PM
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RE: Joyce
You're generalizing quite a bit in regards to what is a healthy weight. I am 5'3" and 19 and weigh about 105, wear a size 0, but I do not diet at all, in fact I eat about as much food as my 6-foot-tall male friends. That's just how my body is. My mother is 39, 5'5", and 110, and she eats a lot as well. Don't call us unhealthy just for being thin. However, I do think i's of concern that this girl is so obsessed with a number at all, instead of how her body feels. I think if you feel strong and alert and can move around easily, then you're in prime health regardless of what that exact number is.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Marla M
Fri Dec 16, 2011 7:14 PM
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