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When Can I be Sure that I'm in Love?

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DR. WALLACE: I'm really confused about being in love. I'm 15 and fell in love with Bobby when I was 14. I felt that someday we would get married. Then I met Carl. I soon forgot all about Bobby, and Carl was my true love. That lasted about two months, until I met my cousin at a family reunion. It was love at first sight for both of us. We kept our romance alive even though we lived over 400 miles from each other. Then I met Mario at a party. We started dating, so I wrote to my cousin and told him, "Thank you for being so sweet, but I have a new boyfriend."

I think I love Mario, but since my "love" track record is filled with crushes rather than love, how can I be sure that I'm really in love? — Nameless, Santa Fe, N.M.

NAMELESS: What's happening is that you become quickly attracted to all these boys, then after a month or so, the attraction starts to fade. You needn't think of this as a problem. It's perfectly natural. There's also no need to call this attraction "love" — or to find your one, true, lifelong love when you are 14 or 15 years old!

Indeed, it would be a little worrisome if you did find the "perfect" guy at such a young age. I advise you to relax about this. Enjoy the company of these boys, but don't worry that your feelings toward them aren't permanent. When older, you'll start looking for qualities in guys that can endure past the initial attraction. When you find one with these qualities, you'll be able to make a commitment that lasts. Slowly this commitment will turn to love.

Sharing love is an exciting and beautiful feeling, but love is not the solution to all your problems. You are in the learning stage now. Have patience and you will be rewarded.

I WANT TO ATTEND COLLEGE IN CALIFORNIA

DR.

WALLACE: My parents were born in South Korea and education is of utmost importance to them. It is to me as well. I'm a straight-A student attending Deerfield Academy in Massachusetts. My parents want me to apply to Harvard, in nearby Cambridge, because they think a Harvard degree will provide me with more job opportunities than other degrees.

I have a cousin who attended Harvard and is now a medical doctor at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. I think I would be accepted at Harvard, but I'm not sure I want to attend Harvard. I think I would like to expand my knowledge of America and would enjoy going to school in California. I have several cousins living in the Los Angeles area, so the University of Southern California (USC) or University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) would be two I would consider attending. I would appreciate your comments. — Kurt, Boston

KURT: Harvard is without doubt an excellent school and some regard it as the best in the country; other colleges and universities also have their supporters for that title.

However, I consider the question of which school is best to be a sort of "shallow" debate. I believe a quality education is possible everywhere — at Harvard, Yale, Stanford and MIT, and also at Southwest Missouri State, California State Fullerton, Wabash College and numerous other lesser-known schools.

A dedicated student can earn a quality education from any school of his or her choosing. There are no "bad" schools. I hope your parents come to understand that it's the quality of the student that is more important than the name of the school.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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My father, who was a brilliant, accomplished scientist, always said that a diligent student could get a first-rate education at any accredited college. He went to a historically black college with a liberal admissions policy for his undergraduate degree, even though he'd been accepted to an "Ivy," because of the full scholarship and the convenience. For his doctorate, he attended an "Ivy." He acknowledged the superior facilities, but he knew that he never could have absorbed all of the faculty knowledge in four years at either school. He knew that cultivating good relationships with both the faculty and the library was the key to getting the most out of a university. I would add that for a truly first-rate education, one should cultivate relationships outside one's discipline as well.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Carla
Fri Nov 6, 2009 10:43 AM
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