Promise It Won't Happen Again by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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Promise It Won't Happen Again

DR. WALLACE: I baby-sit for a single mother. I'm very conscientious and considered an excellent 16-year-old baby sitter. I've completed a Red Cross course in baby-sitting, and I'm proficient in CPR and the Heimlich maneuver.

Last night, while I was babysitting, my boyfriend came over to pick up a library book that he let me borrow. The book was due back to the library that evening or Michael had to pay a late fee. It so happened that the lady I baby-sit for came home early because she wasn't feeling well. When she found my boyfriend in her house, she really got upset. She told me that I shouldn't have had my boyfriend over and that she would never use me again.

I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen. Dr. Wallace, Michael was in the house a total of five minutes and was by the door leaving (with the book in his hand) when this lady came home. He would have left sooner, but I was in the baby's bedroom because she was being fussy, so he had to wait until I was finished. I really feel bad, but I enjoyed baby-sitting for this lady and her baby daughter. Do you have any suggestions to get her to change her mind? - Lisa, San Luis Obispo, Calif.

LISA: Discuss things with your mom and then have Mom call the lady and explain your situation. With such a fine record of babysitting, it's obvious that the single mother overreacted. An apology from you should have satisfied her.

Let's hope you are reinstated. Good, conscientious, well-trained baby sitters are a very valuable and necessary commodity. It might be wise to follow up Mom's telephone call with a short letter apologizing for having your boyfriend in the house with a promise that it will never happen again.

START BY SAYING 'I'M SORRY'

DR. WALLACE: My friend and I work together in a large office. We had a huge fight the other day and said mean things to each other. Now we haven't spoken to each other for six days. I would like to be friends, but I was right in the argument and I feel she should make the first move. What do you think I should do? - Beth, York, Pa.

BETH: If you were "in the right," you have the better emotional footing for being the big person and making the first move. Break the ice by saying, "I'm sorry," and tell her you missed her. Chances are, she will also tell you she's sorry.

In truth, this is a time to forget about right and wrong. In almost every such argument, both parties are partially in the right and partially to blame — and the whole matter is trivial anyway, compared to the importance of the friendship that's at stake. Let it go. Good friends should be sharing good times, not trapped in a prison of silence.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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LW3: You feel that she should make the first move when YOU said mean things to her? It doesn't matter how "right" your original position was -- you were wrong, wrong, wrong to become so caught up in the argument that you said such things to your FRIEND. And that's what you apologize for; for behaving so poorly. If you're sincere, your friend will almost certainly be touched and apologize too. If you do it grudgingly, she may not.

LW1: Understand that parents hear horror stories about sitters who neglect little kids to watch TV, talk on the phone or, worst of all, invite someone the parents don't know into the home. A single mom is more likely to feel upset about an unknown young man in her house than would a married couple. It's not fair that you're feeling the fallout from the the bad publicity, but it should make you super-conscious of how easy it is to lose your employers' trust. I hope you get the job back.

Comment: #1
Posted by: hedgehog
Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:07 PM

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Promise It Won't Happen Again

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