Losing a Boyfriend to a Best Friend isn't Exciting by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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Losing a Boyfriend to a Best Friend isn't Exciting

DR. WALLACE: My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for quite some time, and I was crushed when he broke up with me. After a month, I was starting to get over my ex when my best girlfriend asked him out. Now they are dating regularly. It really hurts to see them walking hand in hand. This so-called "friend" still talks to me. When I told her that I'm hurt seeing them together, she smiled and said that I need to get over it.

It won't be easy watching my best friend dating my ex-boyfriend, a guy I still have strong feelings for. Should I dump her as a friend? — Nameless, Moline, Ill.

NAMELESS: It's not "exciting" to watch an ex-boyfriend walk hand in hand with your best friend. Getting over it is easier said than done. Don't dump your best friend, but do what you can to find other girls with similar interests.

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO AGREE ON A CURFEW?

DR. WALLACE: What is the best way for a parent and teen to agree on a curfew? I just turned 17 and feel like my curfew is for a 15-year-old girl who is dating for the first time. Your advice will be appreciated by my parents and me. — Nameless, Lake Charles, La.

NAMELESS: Curfews tend to work better when parents and teens have input together. A few years back, Lori sent a letter sharing the curfew time agreed upon by her parents and her. I'm sure your family will find it interesting and, hopefully, useful:

DR. WALLACE: A lot of my friends have serious debates with their parents about a curfew time. Our family has solved this problem, so I'd like to share it with my fellow teens.

Every time I go out at night, my parents and I agree on a range of time to be home. Let's say I'm going to a movie and a snack date with my girlfriends.

We figure that if I leave the house at 7:15 p.m., I should return home in the range of 11:15 to 11:30 p.m.

If I get home at 11:20 p.m., that means I pick up 10 bonus points. If I come home at 11:32 p.m., I lose 4 points. So if I get home early, I get one bonus point for every minute I'm early, but I lose two bonus points for every minute I'm late. However, if I'm over 15 minutes later than the range, I'm grounded for one month. The most bonus points I can earn is 15 per evening out, while the most bonus points I can lose is 30.

Now, what do the bonus points do for me? We have a chart for things I can get with my bonus points. They range from money, to the use of the car, or to having favorite meals prepared at home or at a restaurant for Mom, Dad and me.

I'm 17, I'm an active student involved in many school activities, I have a boyfriend and I'm in a youth group at church, so I'm out many nights. Since the bonus point system has been in effect for over a year, I have only been over the range three times, the longest 11 minutes. I hated to have 22 points deducted that month (the points are tallied monthly). I was counting on having extra cash, but I had to wind up going to a pizza restaurant with my parents and my boyfriend.

Trust me, the bonus point system is effective because the teens have a lot to gain since it's up to them to be home on time. — Lori, Vicksburg, Miss.

LORI: Thanks for sharing your ingenious system. Any curfew that brings a teenager joy deserves a close look. I'm sure many families will be inspired by your system and try it out or develop their own variation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.