I Would Like to Date Other Guys Now by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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I Would Like to Date Other Guys Now

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and in my first year at the University of New Hampshire. My boyfriend is in his second year here. We started dating in high school and have been together going on three years.

Greg will be spending his third year at a university in Glasgow, Scotland, studying international law. Since we have been going together, Greg is the only guy I've been with and I'm the only female that he has dated. Our one-year separation will cause us to do a lot of adjusting to a different lifestyle. We both feel that it would be better if we dated others during our separation.

Since we are at a fairly large university, I would like to start seeing other guys now, and I'm encouraging Greg to seek the company of other girls now. We love each other, so there will be no chance that we will fall out of love because of dating someone new. That doesn't mean that we can't go out together occasionally, but it does mean that we both will have the freedom to explore new companionships.

Greg doesn't like this idea. He wants us to remain an item until the day he leaves for Scotland. Your analysis of the situation will be appreciated. — Hannah, Nashua, N.H.

HANNAH: Your letter was confusing. If you and Greg are in love, I'd think you would want to spend as much time with him as possible before he goes to Scotland for a year. I don't blame Greg for disliking your plan; he's probably as confused about it as I am. The way I see it, it will be over seven months before Greg is in Scotland.

It's one thing to date others during a year of absence. It's quite another to start this process early. It suggests to me that you're interested in looking around and exploring your options with other guys. There's nothing wrong with this, but I think it should be done without subterfuge.

That is, if you want to break up or downscale the relationship to "just friends," you should say so plainly.

If that's not what you want, then I think the two of you should stay together as an item until he leaves.

MOM SHOULDN'T PICK DAUGHTER'S DATE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have never been on a date because I never wanted to go out with a guy, probably since I am very shy. But now I think I might enjoy sharing some time with a guy, and several guys at school have shown an interest in taking me out. One of them is a boy who asked me out last year. I told him then that I wasn't interested in dating, and he said I should let him know when I was.

I'd like to tell him I'm ready to date now. He's a nice guy and I think I'd enjoy going out with him. But my mom doesn't want me to start my dating "career" with someone she hasn't known for over a year. That's why she is insisting that my first date be with the son of one of her friends. I've seen the boy several times and am not interested in going out with him.

What do you think? Should I go out with the guy my mother wants me to or with the boy at school? Mom has agreed to accept your decision if you put my letter in your column. — Nameless, Hammond, La.

NAMELESS: I believe that parents should know, and approve of the boys or girls their children date, but I'm definitely not in favor of parents' selecting dates for their teens. In your situation, you should not have to go out with the son of your mother's friend. I think you should be allowed to go out with the boy of your choice — after your parents have had a chance to meet and get to know him enough so they feel comfortable with him.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.