I'm Shocked at Your Response! by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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I'm Shocked at Your Response!

DR. WALLACE: I'm shocked that you inform teens who are bullied to fight back. This only causes more violence! Our world has enough violence and we don't need any more. I'll bet a lot of your readers will agree that you shocked them with your "fight back" philosophy. — Grandma, Talladega, Ala.

GRANDMA: I did hear from some readers who were also shocked that I encouraged the bullied teen to stand up and defend him or herself because, many times, bullies are actually cowards. I encourage this type of "violent" behavior only after all peaceful solutions have failed.

But I can inform you that many more readers (about 10 to 1) agreed with my philosophy. Please read the following letter from a senior citizen. He sent me this message several years ago when I encouraged a boy being bullied to defend himself because his principal didn't stop the bullying:

DR. WALLACE: I'm thrilled that you always tell children who are being bullied to fight back after all other options have failed. I know that some will write to you saying that fighting is wrong and that the child being bullied should just walk away or "turn the other cheek."

I am a senior citizen and the emotional scars of being bullied as a young teen are still with me today. All through grammar school, my classmates made fun of me and called me names. I didn't like this kind of treatment, but since no one was hitting me, I survived.

As a teen, I was very thin, short of stature, wore glasses and had a bad case of acne.

One day a new boy moved into town from Mississippi. He looked and acted tough, and it didn't take long before he found me. At first, he called me names. Then he started hitting and kicking me. He told me if I told the teachers or the principal, he would catch me after school and break my arms. I was frightened to death. I was a good student, but I dreaded going to school.

The harassment lasted my entire four years of high school. I was afraid to tell school people about this boy, but finally I got the courage to tell my father. All he could say was, "Walk away." My father was a good person. He was a minister in Mobile, Ala,, so I took his advice.

I sure wish that he had told me to defend myself! Even if I had lost the physical fight, it would have been so much better than losing the emotional fight. I loved my father, but I never forgave him for not instructing me to be a man and to defend myself.

Dr. Wallace, I enjoy reading your column, and I'm very happy that you tell those being bullied to thump the bully when all nonviolent avenues have lead to dead ends. Never, never change this philosophy. — Senior Citizen, Vicksburg, Miss.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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I was harassed in Jr high school. I lived in such fear that I was always a anticipating something bad happening at school. My peers would call me names, mostly a f_cken fagot. the would spit at me and kick me. In gym they were the straight guys and they would hit me on the head and then hide. They would pull my gym shorts down and expose my body and then laugh at me as a team. They amused themselves at my expense. It was very painful, and intimidating and humiliating as well to say the least. I worked as a navigator in school taking care of the hallways and I would run to my class before all the students and I would leave class early to avoid them. They went as far as to pull knives on me and threaten my life. They always said if i told anyone that they would kill me and hurt my family. Many kids would say they would tell their brothers. I would not tell my family I wanted to protect them even if it meant sacrificing myself to protect my family. I was raised Catholic and I was taught to turn the other cheek and I did and they hit me there too. I also was a passivist and felt I might hurt the guys if hit them. unfortunately this affected my self esteem and the quality of my education not to mention suffering from an on going anxiety. When I heard as an adult that one of the bullies in the gang was shot and that he drowned in his own blood I finally felt there was justice. I think they call it poetic justice. I have love in my heart and compassion for these bullies because I know they too were in fear and unable to protect themselves if they were alone like me. I would investigate the situation completely and thoroughly and consult the authorities. Human beings are like animals but they should be raised with reason and the ability to have and apply principals of respect for self and for others. I am 49 and I still struggle with depression and anxiety and I sometimes find myself on the defensive. I work through these issue because If I stay traumatized the bullies win. Luis@wcil.org

Comment: #1
Posted by: Luis
Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:54 PM

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