I'm 15 and Developed Better than Most 21-Year-Olds by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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I'm 15 and Developed Better than Most 21-Year-Olds

DR. WALLACE: I'm a very mature 15-year-old young woman. I'm a bright student and physically developed better than most 21-year-old women. I enjoy reading classical novels, listening to classical music and engaging in stimulating conversation. I also enjoy being in the company of guys who can discuss things other than who is the best band or the best football team. Dating guys other than my classmates is the only chance I have of being a happy teen.

I have a library pass that allows me to use the library at Coe College, which is only two blocks from my house. Several guys at Coe have shown interest in spending more time with me. I would really like to get to know them better. They know that I'm still in high school, but they think I'm 17 or 18. I didn't tell them my true age because it might cause them to shy away from me. I'm 15 chronologically, but a lot older in every other way.

I discussed dating guys my mental age with my parents, but they won't allow it. My father is a professor at Coe and Mom is an attorney, so they should be aware that boys my age or a year or two older just don't cut it.

Dr. Wallace, I'm physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready to date older guys. Is there anything else that I lack? — Nameless, Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

NAMELESS: You seem to have all the qualifications needed to date someone four or five years older than you except one — experience! Your parents are right. Dating college guys at your age is completely inappropriate. I'm certain there are boys at your high school who share your mature qualifications. Find one!

DON'T FALL FOR "I'VE CHANGED"

DR.

WALLACE: I've been dating a guy for over a year. We have good times, but also some not so good times. Whenever I'm not with him, he always calls me on my cell phone and wants to know what I'm doing and who is with me. I've got several friends who are guys. There is no romance between us. All we are is good friends. If I tell my boyfriend I'm having a snack with these friends, he gets bent out of shape.

The last time I was with these guys when he called, I lied and told him I was with my girlfriends. Then he asked to talk with one of them. When I told him that none of them wanted to talk with him, he hung up. The next day he lectured me for an hour about not lying and why I felt it necessary to have male friends.

I'm tired of being interrogated and not trusted by this guy. I probably should stop seeing him, but when things are right with us, I do like him and enjoy being with him. Please give me your advice on what I should do. — Nameless, Hammond, La.

NAMELESS: Tell this guy goodbye. He has crossed over the line from taking an interest in your life to attempting to control it. This is completely unacceptable and, in all likelihood, will only get worse. That's the nature of jealousy and possessiveness. If one partner in a relationship shows a lack of respect for the other, the relationship can only fall apart.

When you tell him the news, don't fall for his "I've changed" sob story and take him back. People with controlling personalities don't change without psychological counseling.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Comments

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I'm concerned about this line from the 15-year-old, "Dating guys other than my classmates is the only chance I have of being a happy teen." Hah! If this girl thinks she needs a man to make her life okay - that having a serious boyfriend is her only chance of being 'happy,' then she's in for a rude awakening. Having some boy around won't fill the gap she's experiencing. I learned this the hard way when I was just a little older than she is (17). When I finally did find a girlfriend, it brought more problems into my life - suddenly I had to be concerned with someone else's opinions and happiness in addition to the issues I was already dealing with. She sounds sharp, mature, and 'with it' in all ways except this, and instead needs to branch out and get involved with social groups, volunteering, church, sports, whatever. Diving into a relationship is a bad idea.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Matt
Thu Nov 5, 2009 3:17 AM