Do As I Say, Not As I Do by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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Do As I Say, Not As I Do

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and recently graduated from high school. My boyfriend is 20 and works for his grandfather in the construction of new homes. He still lives at home with his parents, but he wants the two of us to get our own apartment and live together. I have the opportunity to work full time in an upscale restaurant. I worked part time during my senior year and now they want me to work full time, so my boyfriend and I can afford the expenses of living.

The problem I have is my mother, who is blowing her mind that I would think of living with a guy without the benefit of a wedding. She and my father were divorced over five years ago. He has remarried and has a daughter with his new wife.

My mother was depressed after the divorce and literally became a hermit. About five months ago, she met Mitch and three months later, they started dating. Last month he moved into our house. Needless to say, they are not married.

Why is it wrong for an 18-year-old teen to live with a 20-year-old boyfriend, especially when they love each other and eventually will probably get married, but it's all right for a 39-year-old divorced woman to live with a guy she has only known for five months? — Bev, Dallas.

BEV: I agree that your mother has pretty much squandered any moral authority on this issue. As with hypocritical parents down through the ages, she is reduced to saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." Often, of course, such parents are the ones who get the most upset when their kids cross over the line.

It's not "more wrong" for you to move in with your boyfriend than it is for your mom to live with hers. I just don't recommend playing house without a marriage commitment.

In your mom's case, the live-in arrangement seems like an accommodation to loneliness. If it were a stable and secure relationship, they'd probably get married.

WHY DO AMERICAN SCHOOLS HAVE ATHLETICS?

DR. WALLACE: I'm from England and attending the University of Michigan. I'm shocked that the student body, faculty and administration go "gaga" over the football team. Over 100,000 people fill the stadium on a Saturday to watch two universities jump on each other. I thought that American students went to a college and university to get an education, not to yell, "Go, Team, Go." Are the players earning a salary? — Hong, Ann Arbor, Mich.

HONG: Athletic competition plays an important role in American higher- learning institutions. The research conducted by Brookings Institution found that generally colleges and universities that shine academically — such as Stanford, Duke, Notre Dame and, yes, the University of Michigan — have strong athletic programs. Attending athletic competitions provides students an excellent opportunity to spend quality recreation on campus. Most athletes are also good students. The researchers reason that traits needed for athletic competition — time management, ambition, leadership and confidence — carry over into academics. And coaches usually monitor athletes' study habits to avoid losing players to academic ineligibility.

College athletics are ingrained in our American culture and will stay as long as the college or university is in existence. College athletes can earn scholarships that contribute to the schools tuition and fees. They are not paid a salary.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.