'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: I'm so glad that you told the young girl to tell her parents that her older brother was starting to use drugs and alcohol, even though her brother threatened to kick her tail if she "narced" on him. I'd like to address my remarks to all teens in a similar situation.
   
When I was in eighth grade, I learned that my older sister was getting involved in drugs and alcohol. Out of loyalty to her and a fear of her being forever angry, I kept my mouth shut. By the time she graduated from high school, she was a full-fledged alcoholic and it was no longer a secret.
   
A few years later, I discovered my younger sister was following in her footsteps. I am ashamed to say that, once again, I didn't speak up. Our older sister, however, knew what she was getting herself into and told our parents. Her logic was, "I would rather have a live sister who hates me than a sister who died my friend."
   
I felt guilty for years for not having had the courage that my older sister had. Our younger sister voluntarily entered into treatment and is now sober, happily married and has a family of her own. She was angry with our older sister for a while, but later realized she had done her a favor by turning her in to our parents.
   
Unfortunately, things didn't work out so well for my older sister. No matter what, she refused to admit that she had a problem with alcohol. Last year she got very drunk, lost all touch with reality and committed suicide. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. How I would rather have had a live sister who hates me than have to visit her at the cemetery.
   
The writer who wrote to you said that to "narc" on her brother would cause her to lose his trust forever. Wouldn't that be better than to lose a brother forever? How much do you really love him? Please tell your parents. If he really is "just going through a rebellious stage" and doesn't plan to continue using the stuff, no harm will come from telling. If, however, he is headed down the path my sister took, you may be saving his life. -- Mother, Jacksonville, Fla.
   
MOTHER: Thanks for sharing your story with "Nameless" and other teens who might be in a similar situation. The pain and regret in your letter cut more deeply than the advice I gave.

ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND IN WAR
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and not dating anyone. Last week at a friend's birthday party, I met a really swell guy. We talked for at least 15 minutes and then he asked me for my telephone number. He also told me that he was dating a girl, but that I had "captivated" him. Since I haven't "captivated" a guy in quite some time, I gave him my number.
   
Now my sister is all over my case. She thinks that since the guy is dating someone I had no right to give him my telephone number. I subscribe to the "all's fair in love and war" theory. I'd like your thoughts, and please hurry with your response because I want to have my mind made up before he calls me. -- Nameless, Moncton, New Brunswick.
   
NAMELESS: I see nothing wrong with giving your telephone number to a guy who is dating someone else, but you shouldn't go out with him until that relationship ends, if it ever does!
   
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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