Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

We usually think of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as something that afflicts soldiers after combat. But they're not the only ones who suffer.

Christine was 12 years old and in a tree fort with three boys for what she thought would be innocent necking. "I didn't realize what could happen with three guys and one girl. They molested me. I was traumatized, but I told nobody."

She suppressed the attack. Then, when she was 18, she was mugged. She didn't go to the hospital or tell anyone in her family. Again, she suppressed it. When she was 32, she was attacked by her boss in the coffee shop where they worked.

"He threw me down and started kicking me. I spent a few hours in shock. After the shock wore off, I was completely out of my mind. I broke down and never really recovered. I was overcome with anxiety and depression. I had nightmares and insomnia. I was angry. I couldn't eat. I stopped talking to my friends."

When Christine was 42, her father died and her symptoms became uncontrollable. She finally saw a doctor and then a therapist.

"I was diagnosed as bipolar disorder. It took a few years for me to stabilize, and I felt much better just getting my mood swings under control, but there was always something underneath that was preventing me from getting well. No matter how much medicine or therapy I tried, there was still an issue hanging out there."

It wasn't until she'd been in therapy for a few years that she realized that the molestation when she was 12 was at the root of so many of her problems.

"It messed me up psychologically.

I blamed myself. My pride died over night. But I'd numbed it out. I'd forgotten about it. I also numbed out the mugging. But getting beaten up was my breaking point. I could no longer deny how much emotional pain I was in."

Last summer, Christine's symptoms took a turn for the worse. She stopped eating, stopped going out and slept all the time. "I came apart again, and then it dawned on me I might also be suffering from a trauma disorder."

Christine and her therapist changed the focus of her therapy, and she started reading books about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She learned that PTSD often comes out in dreams. "You may not have dreams of abuse, but you'll have reoccurring dreams of helplessness, dreams about the worst kind of filth in your clothes, in your hair."

The memories of the childhood abuse began to come back. "Once you start to uncover what was done to you so many years before, you get sick, sick, sick. You can only take it in small doses. I have a bottle of Pepto-Bismol on hand when I need it.

"But since I started working on it five months ago, my depression is better than it's been in a long time, and I'm back to eating normally. It feels like I'm burning a cancer out of my brain."

There was little information about the long-term effects of sexual abuse when Christine was a girl. For years, she says she thought she was OK, but her body knew better and created problems that developed as she aged.

"Sexual abuse is to women what combat warfare is to men," says Christine. "I think that says it all."

How did you meet your partner? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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