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Honor Killings, Selfish Jerks and Lessons Learned the Hard Way

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Today, readers respond to recent columns . . .

CHICAGO DOC: (This regards Heart Sick who wanted to contact his Muslim girlfriend who was married and living in Jordan with her husband and child.) You were much too lenient. He's a whining, selfish wimp.

He needs to think about what he may be doing to her. He says her family is "very traditional." If they learn of his interest, by intercepting a message or an email, the consequences to her could be deadly. Honor killing is still practiced in the Middle East.

If he truly loves her, he'll quit obsessing over her and give up any thought of contacting her. Any other course of action shows that he doesn't really care for her and that his interest is selfish.

JESSICA: (This is about Marlene whose fiance demanded sex days after she had exploratory cancer surgery.) I almost have to think Marlene's letter is fake. I just can't believe there are such jerks in the world. In her darkest hour, all he could think about was what she hadn't done for him — for a grand total of three days.

JENNIFER: I don't think Marlene's letter is a fake at all. Her former fiance sounds like my ex-husband. She dodged a bullet.

CATHY: I've never had a boyfriend or fiance treat me like that, but once I helped deliver food to a friend of a friend. She was ill and her boyfriend refused to pick up takeout unless she promised to "make it worth his time." I wish I was making it up. And she stayed with him another two years.

MARCI: (Regarding Samantha who suffered years of abuse from her husband Harlan until she finally walked out.) She was fortunate to have supportive parents who were willing to take her and her two children into their home, along with all their stuff.

The only thing that really surprises me is that the court let her leave the state with her children. That usually doesn't happen, especially when the abuse isn't documented with medical or police reports, etc.

As for her running the marathon, I say: Hooray for her! She has come a long way, baby.

HEIDI: It's wise to get documentation of abuse, always. But Harlan sounds like the kind of parent who would give up custody in a heartbeat because he sees his kids as more of a hassle than a reward.

He's kind of like my friend's brother's friend who was fighting for custody of his son until the boy's mother said she'd let him take the stereo in exchange for full custody. He promptly dropped the battle and bragged to his friends that he got what he really wanted all along. There really are people like that out there.

PATTI: (This is about Marlee who sold her house and moved to be with her lover, who told her he was separated from his wife.) The lessons here are: Never date a man who is "separated but never got around to getting a divorce because he didn't need to," never fall for the "my marriage has been over for years" line, and know what you're getting yourself into before you pick up and move to another state.

How do you and your partner celebrate the holidays? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2011 CREATORS.COM


Comments

3 Comments | Post Comment
Hey, I got quoted by name!...How did she know that? :p

Re: Patti. It's not always so shady as that. My parents were living apart for several years before they even bothered with a legal separation, and even then it was mainly to free up finances so my mother could buy a house. They still haven't actually divorced, and I don't think they will. It's not that there's a lingering relationship or anything like that. It's just now that the finances are figured out and us kids are adults, neither particularly sees a reason for the hassle. And my father's a lawyer who does divorces!

My mother has been in another relationship for a few years now, and both of them seem perfectly happy with the arrangement. The only reason I could see for her wanting to actually divorce my father was if she wanted to remarry, which doesn't seem to be the case. Even though her and her boyfriend were friends and coworkers for many years before getting together, they do not seem interested in even living together, let alone getting married. I think my mother likes having her own space now. I just shrug my shoulders and say, "well, they're happy with it."

Point being, long separations from spouses with no divorce doesn't necessarily mean anything nefarious. My parents have been separated for six years now, and trust me when I say nothing's going on there.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Jers
Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:38 AM
I'm Cathy!!

Woot! Woot!
Comment: #2
Posted by: capiscan
Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:10 PM
To sum up the story of Marlee and posts by Patti and Jers, concerning the woman who sold her house and moved to be with her married boyfriend, who told her he was separated: Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Madelyn
Sun Dec 18, 2011 1:55 PM
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