Q: Thanks again for your wonderful insights and your way of expressing them for us. What should a parent do when they have an adult "child" who's age 59 and doesn't have a steady living? Our son's extremely talented as a composer, artist and chef, yet he is unable to make a living at any of them. Cooking worked for a while, but his eyes are getting bad, which makes knives dangerous. Also, he hated it because it paid little, and his bosses never seemed to appreciate his creativity. Composing is his love, but it doesn't produce any income. Art seemed to be his focus as a living in the past year or so, but his personal art exhibit, which finally occurred after many years of encouragement, didn't produce sales. His talent is magnificent, but the large size of his artwork and his chosen subjects aren't selected by buyers. He creates wonderful portraits with an imaginative flair, but a portrait of someone you don't know is not usually preferred. He does offer a price for painting a portrait, but most people are hesitant to buy when they can't see the finished product.

Helping him financially is something we've done many times along the way, but making it a regular thing isn't something we want to do. (My husband and I don't always agree on this. My belief is that it harms, rather than helps him in the long run.) This son is from my husband's first marriage, and his wife died of breast cancer when the boy was only 3. My husband feels some guilt for his son's inability to adapt to the realities of life. He's a product of the hippie generation and though many survived and are making it in real life, some, including our son, just didn't adapt.

When he comes to visit, he'd stay forever if we didn't finally say it was time to go home. Unfortunately, he does this with others, too. We want him to enjoy a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment. Do you have any suggestions? Thanks again for your wisdom.

A: You must feel sad for your son who has so many talents that aren't valued. Judging by his age, I'm assuming he wouldn't want to go back to school to retool his skills in art or music to make them more marketable. That's probably what I'd advise a younger man to do, e.g., to become an art or music teacher or to train for business related to the arts.

I gather you've helped him financially for a long time. Since he's close to retirement years, I assume you've been retired for quite a while and are able to provide him with the financial resources he requires. I also expect that at your ages, you could probably use his assistance in many ways. One thing you could do to help him is to employ him. As a chef, he could take responsibility for cooking your meals three or four days a week (that would probably be enough to last you all week, particularly if he's a creative chef). You could pay him to do some maintenance and repairs around your house or you could hire him to paint your portraits. You might prefer he uses an earlier photo to preserve your younger likenesses for posterity.

A young man who's a talented artist and musician must indeed feel discouraged when the world doesn't value his gifts. The present economy doesn't make finding employment easy. Nevertheless, it can't be good for your son to do nothing.

Your son could consider finding volunteer opportunities to share his talents. Recreation departments and senior citizen centers are often low on funding and would welcome an art or music instructor. He could make a positive difference for children, adolescents, adults or senior citizens who might truly be inspired by his artistic talent and instruction. If he actively pursued his volunteer activities as well as helped you around your home, you could justify continuing to support him and could sponsor his living on his own or with you in exchange for his contributions to others.

The '60s generation was idealistic and always wanted to make contributions to society. At least your son could feel that he's making a positive difference for people who value his art and music. It's also possible that his volunteer activities could lead him to a real job. It's even possible that other senior citizens who view the portraits that he paints of you could be inspired to order portraits of themselves as gifts to their children.

For a free newsletter about talented artists and musicians, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.