Q: I have a 10-year-old daughter that I gave birth to when I was 18 years old (her dad was 22 at the time). I've had wonderful help and support from my mom but was otherwise a single parent for years. My daughter would sometimes go months without seeing or talking to her dad. I'd allow her to go with him whenever he asked, but he rarely asked. She was an only child for eight years, until I had another little girl with my husband, who I had been with since her dad and I broke up.

My daughter's a very strong-willed little girl, and maybe I'm strong-willed as well. She doesn't like to listen to me, and a lot of the time, it feels like I'm being walked over. I don't know why but I've never been really good at discipline. My daughter can be very, very melodramatic. Half the time I wonder if she's fake crying. It's terrible! I don't know how to respond to her when she acts like this or if I should just ignore her, which is very hard to do. She cries, throws a fit and acts out so often that when there's something going on one might expect her to cry over, I just don't have much to say. I'm so burnt out by her frequent crying, and it really stresses me out. If she gets in trouble (e.g. not checking in on time, missing homework or talking back) and is told she's grounded, she starts screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. Is that normal?

Ugh, parenting is really hard, but I love my kids so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good parent or she wouldn't act like this. I don't want to be controlling, but I really feel like I can't control her. I think I'll need to go to the library and pick up one of your books. I could use some guidance.

A: Don't be too hard on yourself. Consider that you were a teen mom dealing with your own growing up issues when you were expected to mother your child alone. It must have been hard not to give in to her every whim. It's not surprising that you may have overempowered her. Kids do need boundaries and if her crying persuaded you to move those boundaries or changed your no's into yes's, she no doubt learned to use her tears to manipulate you.

With your maturity and fatigue in regard to her tantrums, you've probably tired of her games, so she's screaming louder in frustration. She probably can't understand why she can't get what she wants when she wants it, especially when she used to be able to do that. Add to that a husband and another little girl to capture your attention — it's no wonder she's melodramatic.

Before saying no to your daughter's requests, take time to hear her out. Then take more time to think before you respond. If you can answer yes, do so with a positive smile so she can feel your love. If your answer is no, say it firmly with a reason or two, and then stick with it. If she throws a tantrum, you can either escort her to her room and close the door, or go to your own room, close the door and busy yourself with personal activities. Once you become fair, positive and firm, she'll catch on. You'll have to be patient; this won't be easy.

In addition, spend a little one-on-one time with her every day to hear about her day and help her understand she's not forgotten. Try to take her on a special date once a week so she can hold on to the attention she became accustomed to for 10 years. When you're together, try to talk and laugh together so both of you can know the love you both feel.

My books "How to Parent So Children Will Learn" and "See Jane Win — The Rimm Report on How 1000 Girls Became Successful Women" will help you the most.

For free newsletters about "How to Parent So Children Will Learn" and/or "See Jane Win", send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.