Q: What tools can parents equip themselves with to effectively deal with a child's emotional intensity?

A: I am sure you know that emotional intensity can be a wonderful quality. On one hand, emotionally intense children are usually sensitive, interesting and creative. On the other hand, they can also be over sensitive, overreact, never stop talking and wear parents out. Usually, they live in families in which at least one parent — and sometimes both — is also intense. There can be many words and lots of action in that intense environment.

I assume that you are either an intense parent yourself or only exhausted from the environment but also wanting to value the positive qualities in your child's intensity. If you are an intense parent, a first step can be envisioning yourself as a wise and thoughtful person. Thus, when you must respond to any of your child's intense behaviors, take a deep breath and say, "Well, that is interesting. Let's give that idea some quiet thought." You can intentionally slow down both your behaviors and words, which should have the effect of slowing down your child's intensity without demeaning the quality of what he or she has to say. As you model how to become more thoughtful, your intense child will do more pondering and will also become more thoughtful.

Intense children need a regular mix of quiet and physically active opportunities. I do not know how old your child is, but think of yourself as a teacher and plan a schedule for your child after school. Make sure that video games and television are not the dominant activities, although, you can allow some time for them. If the weather is reasonable, encourage some time for running, biking or shooting baskets after school. If you have a basement, playing Ping-Pong or other games can help to release some energy during the winter when kids can't get out as often. Family dancing to music can also be fun and a good way to deal with too much energy.

Drawing, craft projects and reading alone are all good quiet activities. Board games are another nice way for families to interact quietly and have some fun. Also, find a little time each day to sit down for a one-on-one talk with your child so he doesn't have to interrupt you every time he wants to talk to you.

If your intense child is oversensitive, try to avoid being caught up in his sad feelings. You can be empathetic, but do not feel too sorry for him. Continue to encourage your child to be optimistic, confident and resilient. We do not want him to become insensitive, but oversensitivity will lead him to feeling sorry for himself too much and cause him to be vulnerable to being victimized by bullies.

For a free newsletter about sports, music and the arts or "Keys to Parenting the Gifted Child" (Great Potential Press, 2007), send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.