Single File by Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: I am an independent woman. I date infrequently and feel somewhat lost about my responsibilities when I do. Last week, I accepted a date from a man at school, and he said it would be "just friends." When we met at the cafe he had suggested, he had two dozen roses and a 2-pound box of expensive chocolates waiting. He then suggested we go to another, much more expensive restaurant. Throughout the date, he kept saying how beautiful I was, staring like a man in love. (I barely know this guy.) At dinner's end, he asked whether I wanted to play video games or whether I was too tired. I answered that I had plans to visit a friend who was moving out of state, which was true. When we said goodbye, I thanked him for everything, and we hugged. He looked ready to burst into tears. When I asked him why he was so sad, he answered, "We didn't hit it off, did we?" In reality, I thought we had good conversation for a first date, but he hoped we'd hit it off right down to wedding chapel plans. At the end of the evening, I felt like a jerk. I certainly didn't expect him to go overboard as he did, especially for a "just friends" date. I don't normally feel an overpowering attraction on a first date. But I am willing to give it more than one try unless I'm completely turned off. So I guess I need to know: What did I do wrong? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: I get why you date infrequently. You think too much. This date was a disaster from inception to the final sigh. Clearly, you are much too seasoned a dater, even though you don't date that often, to put up with this time-wasting gent. He was reaching above his head when he chose you, and for you, the few hours were a total waste. (You can tell me that you spent the time with him counting the minutes left before your exit.) This poor fellow never knew what hit him; he had all the right props ready to impress you, but because they were staged — not spontaneous — none of them succeeded, sad to say.

DEAR SUSAN: I've been noticing that many men on your blog believe that most women are only interested in men with six-figure incomes. Aren't we looking at only half the equation here? What about men's secret yearnings? It seems to me that both genders have tendencies, men often choosing eye candy (without much interest in what's behind the face) and often giving their attention to women with large breasts. I've seen many men walking around with these "trophies" on their arm. Sadly, large numbers of women fall all over themselves to have plastic surgeons try to make them younger, sexier or more buxom because of the male. To be fair, a man with a six-figure income probably has the intelligence and ambition to get him there. In my book, those are pretty good qualities. The last time I checked, though, a pretty face or large breasts don't indicate any other talent. Susan, I'd love to know what your readers think. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: While you and I wait for readers' reactions, I'll clue you in on my thinking about this. (It's changed over the years.) It seems to me, deep thinker, that prettiness, sex and money will always — and forever — be magnets for the other gender. Some things will not change. But most people don't make snap judgments during the magnetized stage; most reasonable men and women (in my opinion, they represent the majority) withhold judgment and decisive action until they know more about this alluring creature and until they have allowed their hormones to subside and their good sense to come back into focus. That's the way I operate in my own life. And you, readers?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at sumor123@aol.com.

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