DEAR SUSAN: I usually skim through articles but just finished reading every word of your latest column on embracing one's individuality, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. It really hit home. Thank you. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Anytime I can serve up my take on individuality is a good time for me because I get to laud its merits. The thing is that we all are distinctly ourselves, with a single core that must be expressed if we are to find fulfillment. Some of us connect with it early on, and some live a lifetime without giving it voice. For me, it took an awful shock to begin building individualism. Your letter makes me think that you're also ready to forge your individualism because of some life crisis. (I'm glad my words reached you in the nick of time, helping you understand we all are on a journey to personhood.) The gift of all gifts? Once discovered, individuality becomes a precious part of yourself, to be protected and nurtured. Whatever your marital status, partnered or not, your essence shines from within, an integral dimension of your personhood. The best part? It continues to unfold throughout your life, a trusted ally through all the seasons of your life. I wish you well. (For the Declaration of Undependence — free for the asking — send me your home address and, if possible, a stamped, self-addressed envelope.)

DEAR SUSAN: "Digging" into oneself "is best done with a consultant, a trusted therapist who is there with you — in that room of truth — to help clear away those stumbling blocks (many of which you've put there yourself). There's no blame game played in that room; you're with an ally." Those are your words, and the ones about stumbling blocks we can't see but keep bruising our shins on are so true because we don't know it's within our power to move those blocks aside or smash them to smithereens. It reminds me a little of getting glasses in the sixth grade after a routine eye exam. I gazed out the window and was astonished to be able to see, distinctly, individual leaves on a tree. I would never have gone to the eye doctor and complained about my vision, because it didn't occur to me that other people could see leaves instead of a general green blur. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Wow. What great luck it is to have a reader who not only understands my message but also takes it and runs with it, connecting it to his own life. Your eye exam is in perfect alignment with my thoughts about therapy, and I thank you for it. Mind if I use it when I write about therapy? Self-analysis is absolutely the process to wipe the slate clean, to push aside (or shatter) misunderstandings we bring from early childhood and have reinforced by repeated usage. Trailing clouds of glory do we come from childhood, true, but we also carry forward so much wrongheaded and twisted thinking about ourselves and the influential people in our life. We are taught to do as we're told, despite what we may otherwise observe. And so we come into adulthood with warped views of ourselves and the world around us. It takes so darn long and so many dollars to unbend all that contortion, but the payoff is so enormous that it's hands down worth every one of them — not only for ourselves but for the next generation and its progeny.

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