Forward March! by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

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Interplay DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more. Single Land DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more. Digging DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more. Common Cause DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.

Forward March!

DEAR SUSAN: I know this is the 21st century, but my roots are in the 1950s, and dating etiquette has me stymied. I just spent the weekend with a friend who is becoming more than a friend, and that's the dilemma. Distance keeps us from seeing each other often, and phone calls are limited. How forward can a woman be without seeming aggressive? And how intimidated will a man be by phone calls and letters? I guess what I'm asking is: When is it too much? — Janie J., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR JANIE: For most men, too much is a woman who initiates every contact, starts every conversation and arranges every meeting. Moderation, my dear Janie, is the ultimate sophistication. Make that your rule of thumb and you won't go too wrong. In dating, in mothering, in the art of partnership, best to trod the middle path.

Men — like women — give off signals of irritation when relationships get too top-heavy, when their partners start crowding and taking over. In this situation, you'll feel his signals. It may be his irritated tone of voice, his pulling away from you or an ultra-brief phone call. Stay alert, and listen hard; he'll show when he's annoyed at your forward march. Remember this: He, too, was very young in the '50s and, like you, is used to subtle communication with the other sex. As the relationship deepens, of course, you'll get to know each other's likes and dislikes, just how far you can push and when to back off.

It's a balancing act, and it takes time to learn the steps. For now, though, I recommend small steps — and close listening. Those signals will determine the timetable.

DEAR SUSAN: I recently separated from my wife. I am 26 and the father of two children, who live with me. I am ready to start dating again, but I don't know how they will react to it. I don't want to spend another spring alone, but I also don't want my kids seeing different women in the house all the time.

— Rob F., Moline, Ill.

DEAR ROB: You're in total control of your dating life. You alone can set the rules and routine — your top priority being, of course, the care and comfort of your children. To avoid a merry-go-round scene, meet your dates away from your home. Make every effort to use the same caregiver each time, family member definitely preferred. And please don't date more than once a week; young children are extremely vulnerable. Instead, ask friends and family members over who are comfortable with the children. (No lady friends, even if platonic.) The emotional climate in your home is entirely up to you, Rob, and must be geared to the needs of your little ones (and they are so little). That's Job One. And really, there is no other. Your dating life must take second place — distant second, actually. You're not alone when those precious people are with you. Right now, they need you more than you need a social life.

HEALTHY SINGLENESS. From the newsletter I have come to trust implicitly comes this information for men. (The evidence on prostate cancer is still uncertain, but these tips can't hurt.)

—Lose (or don't gain) excess weight.

—Don't take more than the recommended daily levels of selenium (55 micrograms), vitamin E (33 international units), calcium (1.2 grams) or zinc (11 milligrams).

—Eat cooked tomatoes or tomato sauce along with vegetables.

If you want to try Dean Ornish's "lifestyle change" program, pick up his latest book, "The Spectrum."

And if you want to subscribe to an impartial, honest source of nutrition information, I suggest you contact:

Nutrition Action Healthletter

Center for Science in the Public Interest

1875 Connecticut Ave. NW, Suite 300

Washington, DC 20009

By the way, CSPI accepts no advertising in its publication. (!)

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.