Custom-Tailored by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

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Interplay DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more. Single Land DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more. Digging DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more. Common Cause DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.

Custom-Tailored

It isn't clothing that's on the cutting board here; it's life. To be precise, it's your life, the one and only one you'll be given. How much time is allotted to it isn't known to its owner, but it is most assuredly true that making it fit your needs — deep sigh — is a personal challenge. Only you can do it. How it turns out is, for the most part, up to you. Yes, there's an element of luck in the equation, but it's most likely the residue of design; planning has a better chance of getting you what you want. But it's the other part of the formula that seals the deal: reaching out for your prize. That's harder to bring off, for sure. But it's a critical component of a successful life, and it can be learned. We've got to teach ourselves to reach. It's not easy; ask any man.

Step 1. Contact a member of a group you belong to (church, interest, school) and volunteer your home as the venue for the next meeting. While you're chatting, ask him/her to meet for lunch over the weekend to talk over an idea that's been percolating in your mind. You make the call; you do the inviting.

Step 2. Set up a business breakfast or lunch with a co-worker, someone with the potential to be a business mentor. Make the call from home, where you feel comfortable, and be prepared with your calendar near the phone so you can seal the deal on the spot.

(Time and place are secondary to the toning of your reaching-out muscles.)

Step 3. Repeat the first two steps during the next two to three months, making several contacts (phone or e-mail) and setting up at least three appointments. Remember, this is entry-level stuff, so be kind to yourself and keep these first efforts relatively low-pressure. Consciously reserve big-league invitations — your manager, the object of your daydreams — for later, when you feel more confident.

Step 4. This is definitely the Big One: reaching for your heart's delight, inanimate or not. Could be a better job, an idea you've been itching to air at a meeting, a membership you're hankering for. Something this important to you takes confidence. (The stomach may still be a bit queasy, but not in a major way.) Such as? Well, just yesterday I heard about a widow of 22 years who sent a condolence note to a friend who had lost his wife. Nothing new about that, except that he wrote back. She was emboldened by the show of interest, so much so that her return letter contained four hand-drawn boxes. She boldly requested that he check one of them ("let's meet for coffee"; "let's meet for dinner"; "not now, maybe later on"; "no"). The ending to this outreach? A new beginning for two.

Inspired? Feeling a bit more daring? You choose the prize; you choose the move. The next step is yours.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.