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Interplay
DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more.
Single Land
DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more.
Digging
DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more.
Common Cause
DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.
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Cougar LandDEAR SUSAN: This is for all the 20-something women who can't find guys. I know where they are: with me, the 40-year-old woman. No, I'm not a cougar out hunting — quite the opposite. The 20-year-old guys are the catalysts! When I tell them they could have any girl they want, they say they have been there, done that and no longer want to deal with the immaturity, drama and head games. When they're with me, it's simple, fun and noncommittal. These men are looking for the wisdom, security and maturity that you 20-somethings can't provide. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing you girls do bring to the table is your age. The brains, sex and finances are far better with a 40- or 50-year-old. So if you can't find your guy, don't blame us "cougars." — Name Withheld, Long Island, N.Y. DEAR NAME WITHHELD: OK. So the young 'uns are the hunters, the first movers, the aggressors. What difference does that make? Who actively does the foraging isn't significant; it's the person on the other end of the opening line, the one with more experienced sex play (and more abundant finances), who closes the deal (at least temporarily). Of course you're a cougar, dear nameless reader, so puff up your chest and own your status! You're the one who paints the rosy picture of free-flowing finances and commitment-free erotics, my pet, and these younger men sniff gold in them thar hills. They're drawn to older women for reasons that range from mother hang-ups to sheer curiosity to dating exhaustion. The way dating games are played, who can blame them? This sophisticated scenario may be something remarkable in America, but it's the same old, same old to savvy Europeans. Their films are chock-full of older women playing mentor (ahem) to younger men. (For the curious, I suggest the film "Cheri," with Michelle Pfeiffer.) Enough said. Across the pond, an older woman's wisdom and grace and discretion are prized, her social skills and poise more important than cosmetic flaws. (OK. I admit this is a matter of degree, but still, consider Simone Signoret and Anna Magnani.
DEAR SUSAN: In a recent column, you never explained why nice guys don't get the woman. You only said some beauties go after the un-hotties. Are un-hotties what nice guys are? In an earlier column, you equated nice guys with not having a life. Well, what about the ones who do? Why do men feel bitterness? Is it because the hottie picked the jerk and then complained about not finding nice guys? As reader Jon said, women have no interest in nice guys. I don't know whether I totally agree with his reasoning, but how many other excuses can you come up with, Susan? — Harry H., Portland, Ore. DEAR HARRY: You must be reading someone else. Here on planet Single File, nice guys DO get the woman. They just don't get the girl! The female gender just doesn't seem to wake up until 30-something, until she's lived through some very painful scenarios with men who seemed to have it all. At the end of her third decade, though, the qualities she really needs suddenly make themselves known. She knows herself better, so she needs deeper qualities than having a romantic profile or a sexy sports car. From then on (if she's listening to her viscera), her focus turns to the good guy in whatever packaging he comes in. Next query? It's not that nice guys don't have lives; they don't have opinions! At least, not ones they dare express. Many are terrified of speaking out, lest they offend and lose their niceness label. It's the silence of the lambs. And it's totally wrong. Men must risk taking stands, saying what they think. Moving on, you ask why men feel bitterness. Same reason women do, I guess — relationships that flopped. Thing is — and I talk about this in my book — bitterness gets you nowhere. And it keeps you from attracting a new relationship! People stay away in droves. Self-defeating, I'd say. Instead of giving in to bitterness, nice men (some hotties, some not) should let the snow bunnies ripen and concentrate on women who are older than 30. That's where they'll be appreciated. More questions? Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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