Single File from Creators Syndicate

Interplay for 02/17/2012

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to "attractive" women, as if there is nothing else to a female. You don't mention sharing interests, stability, a nice and decent partner. Do you judge women ...

Updated: Fri Feb 17, 2012

Single Land for 02/15/2012

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But I've had quite a life. I finally realized that you've simply got to get on with life and forget about having a mate. You really do, lest you suffer ...

Updated: Wed Feb 15, 2012

Digging for 02/10/2012

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. You're always saying to dig into oneself to uncover the true self. But how much digging is required? How deep must one go? And does one know one's got ...

Updated: Fri Feb 10, 2012

Common Cause for 02/08/2012

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! As for the guy who's steamed because women only care about a man's paycheck, give me a break. As if a lawyer wants to date a Wal-Mart greeter! Male o ...

Updated: Wed Feb 08, 2012

Give It a Chance for 02/03/2012

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I am currently going through a divorce and have been amused to see all the resistance to Internet dating. I met the best person on a dating website and couldn't be happier. (I had four dates within a month of signing up; he had three in the 16 months before he found me.) My advice to anyone is to give things a chance. Meet someone who intrigues you in a public place, and work things ...

Updated: Fri Feb 03, 2012

Core Singleness for 02/01/2012

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Core singleness, the individuality that makes you deliciously one of a kind, has little to do with marital status. Its essence is within all of us, a mixture of genes and chromosomes, with a dash of subliminal impressions and choices thrown in. But whatever the scientific formula, the essential self is more than its components, blending gifts passed down from generations long gone that congeal ...

Updated: Wed Feb 01, 2012

More Trouble? for 01/27/2012

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I know plenty of good human beings who happen to be male. But like many of my female friends, I'm basically satisfied with my life. There is nothing I want so badly that I'm willing to endure the downside of a sexual relationship in order to get it. And many of my friends feel the same. Romantic relationships are far more trouble than they're worth. Even in the face of active discri ...

Updated: Fri Jan 27, 2012

Ageless Advice for 01/25/2012

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: In your 50s, 60s, 90s — whatever — dating does not encompass sex. Yes, you can have sex on the first, second, third date — whenever — but then it is no longer dating; it's called something else. And if you don't understand that, the value you give sex is pretty far down the scale. — "J.," from the "Single File" blog

DEAR J.: A ...

Updated: Wed Jan 25, 2012

Neediness for 01/20/2012

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: In general, the more desperate one is the less likely one should do it. Desperation and impulsiveness alone are excellent signals that a person is about to do something foolish, that the emotions are too strong for a wise choice, and that it's a good time to postpone the action or to bring in a calm third party. A desperate need to marry — now, today — may not in every c ...

Updated: Fri Jan 20, 2012

Comfort Sex for 01/18/2012

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: Since my divorce 16 years ago, most of the women I've dated won't see me again if I don't try to have sex with them. I don't see how having sex with multiple partners can evolve into a monogamous relationship, because you've already abused one of the most basic ingredients of a relationship, fidelity. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Monogamy requir ...

Updated: Wed Jan 18, 2012

Always on Sunday for 01/13/2012

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I really enjoyed reading about the way you count your blessings on Sunday nights. As a 62-year-old single, I have boldly joined dating sites, but with little luck. I had a serious accident a while ago, and I guess my injuries have made me less desirable. But I felt grateful for your piece about counting our blessings. I was going to read it at Thanksgiving, but I realized that some ...

Updated: Fri Jan 13, 2012

Interaction for 01/11/2012

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

I confess; I'm curious to know you. And I couldn't imagine a better way to mine your thoughts and feelings than asking you to become an active participant in this column. Yes, I'm popping the questions, and they're coming to you in different formats: completing sentences, choosing true or false, and free association. The goal here is to tickle your gray matter.

It's said that the first t ...

Updated: Wed Jan 11, 2012

Undependence Understood for 01/06/2012

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: My late "Greatest Generation" parents got some things wrong when I was growing up, but one thing they got right is that in marriage or another key relationship, total independence usually leads to misery and loneliness ("freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"), whereas total dependence usually leads to frustration/anger/violence/addiction — o ...

Updated: Fri Jan 06, 2012

Personal Power for 01/04/2012

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

We're on a roll, you and I, fortunate beyond measure to be living in times that give us so much control over our lives. Sophisticated technology, literally at our fingertips, is turning out to be the strongest liberator yet of our personal power. It's been a long time coming, but the spin of the wheel is pointing toward Everyman, daring/coaxing each of us to take the challenge of directing our ...

Updated: Wed Jan 04, 2012

Internet Shopping for 12/30/2011

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: Internet dating may work for some people, but my experience is that most of the men are just "shopping." By its very nature, the online scene is like looking in a catalog where one shops according to size, color and so on. Though it can be argued that women are guilty of this, too, I have found that men are more so. At this stage of my life — age 50 and divorced thre ...

Updated: Fri Dec 30, 2011

The Chase for 12/28/2011

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I've always heard that in the long run, a man doesn't value a woman who pursues him nearly as much as he values the woman he is pursuing. (If you have to chase him, he's just not into you. I could have written the film's screenplay!) If he doesn't call you after a date, he's not stuck under a bus; he's not interested. Men may be flattered when women ask them out but will not take th ...

Updated: Wed Dec 28, 2011

Build a Life for 12/23/2011

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: All single people need to realize they may not end up married, because getting married takes two people and there's no guarantee they'll meet someone who wants what they want. They can make it their mission to scour every pond in the world, but there is no guarantee that all their searching will turn up a mate. Understanding that these days on our planet are finite and that ultimate ...

Updated: Fri Dec 23, 2011

Love and Lip Gloss for 12/21/2011

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I recall the original letter from a woman regretting in her 30s her rejection of some really good guys in her 20s. As I recall, the letter suggested to me that she might have realized her rejections were not so gentle as they could have been. Thus, karma has now set in. As to your point, Susan, about the alleged contradiction in the letter from "Single By Choice," yes, you ...

Updated: Wed Dec 21, 2011

Flaunting for 12/16/2011

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: In my mind, "flaunting" is less about what you have than it is about how you act and talk about it. You can have a killer bod, for example, that you work on like the dickens to maintain with diet and exercise — yet not constantly put it on display or talk endlessly about the number of sit-ups you do. Smart people, regardless of gender, should not flaunt their higher ...

Updated: Fri Dec 16, 2011

Signs of Hope for 12/14/2011

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

DEAR SUSAN: I see many signs for a more equitable relationship between the sexes, although as a gay man, I may have an unfair advantage. I'm not threatened by a successful co-worker who is a woman. But the fact that women seem to be gaining equality in all sorts of areas and the younger generation of men is adapting to this gives me a lot of hope. Some of your readers say singlehood is seen as ...

Updated: Wed Dec 14, 2011