Dear John, I've been in a serious relationship for four years. I was first attracted to my partner for his easy-going nature. Whatever I wanted to do, he agreed to do it. Sounds wonderful, but now it really gets on my nerves! I'm tired of doing the thinking all of the time.

Every time we are together, I feel I'm overwhelmed with questions, such as, where are we going? What should I wear? What time are we going? I am always responsible for everything, including the food and service at restaurants. If it wasn't good, it was because I made the wrong decision. When I ask him to pick a restaurant, he refuses. He sometimes brags about how well he runs his life, but then he criticizes me for mine. He says I'm controlling, and I am so drained from what he does to me. —What's Going On in Plano, Texas

Dear What's Going On, This pattern is played out in a lot of relationships. In order to avoid the pain of failure to please, your boyfriend has solved this by letting you make all the decisions. Of course, this can drive a woman to distraction. At the same time, he's showing his resentment of doing this in what he says and how he acts.

To remedy the situation, let him know that sometimes you feel you may be too controlling and that you would appreciate to defer to him several times every week. Promise that you will be accepting and appreciative of whatever happens. When it comes to one of you making a choice, defer to him. Then when he suggests something, just go along with it and don't correct him. In a healthy relationship, balance is what truly makes a couple happy.

Dear John, My husband and I have not been getting along for at least a year now. When he is not yelling about something he is mad about, he will go for days without speaking. When we did get along, we had fun together, but that was usually with our 9-year old son present. Now my husband says we have no friends because of all the time we spend with our son.

The bottom line is now he says he does not love me but is not going to leave me at this time. He is going to see a doctor because he feels he is depressed. Can you tell me the best way to handle this situation? I don't want to leave him either, because I do love him and when we get along, we have fun. —Rocky Relationship in Little Rock, Ark.

Dear Rocky, Sometimes two adult mates need time together without children around and time with other adults. At some deep level inside of him, it is very painful when he doesn't receive your love or when you push him away.

Do some soul searching to recognize the ways you may have neglected him or made him feel unable to make you happy. By recognizing how you have contributed to these problems, you may see the situation differently. Your challenge is to keep looking for the moments when he is supportive to you and appreciate him for that.

Also, don't take his anger personally. Deep inside, he knows his angry statements make him unworthy of your love. Let him know that you love him and that you are there for him when he is ready to talk things through in an open and loving way.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.