Dear John: I'm a 34-year-old woman who is reasonably attractive and very intelligent. Sure, I'm far from perfect, but I do have a lot of good things going for me. I'm not desperate for a man, but I would like to be with someone special.

In the past 10 years, the only men who have been attracted to me are those who cheat on either their wives or girlfriends. I can't figure out why this keeps happening! Some of these guys seem terrific, and it's hard to get over them when I find out! But they couldn't really be so terrific, or they wouldn't do such a thing, right?

Why is it that no single, unattached men find me attractive? Is there something about me that says that I'm open to the cheating type? Why do I keep ending up in the same situation? —The Mistress, in Scottsdale, Pa.

Dear Mistress: Every time a woman dates a married or committed man, it reinforces her growing assumption that men cannot be trusted. The more you experience something to be true, the more you will attract it into your life. Many women see infidelity in their parents' lives and relive this same pattern, either as the jilted spouse or the impatient mistress.

It's time for you to break out of that pattern. When you feel there is mutual attraction, don't feel as if you must be coy. Go ahead and ask, "Are you married? Are you currently involved with someone?" Being this direct will, in turn, get the guy to answer forthrightly or stammer through a lie. If it turns out that he is indeed in a committed relationship, you should immediately move on.

In the future, don't make a relationship decision based solely on sexual attraction. Instead, look for relationships that offer true friendship and respect. In doing so, you will discover that the passion you seek will follow.

Dear John: My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years, and the one topic that has us always disagreeing is that of equality between husbands and wives. "Daniel" thinks intelligence and employment potential are the fair measurement of equality and, he adds, the money one makes. I work outside the home as a secretary and make a decent salary, however Daniel feels that since my contributions are less than his, I am not truly his equal. Is he right or is there a better way to measure the contributions each partner makes to a marriage? —Looking for Equality, in Madison, Wis.

Dear Equality: I agree with you. There is certainly more than one way to contribute to the success — financially and otherwise — of a marriage.

Apparently, Daniel hasn't weighed in other important factors, such as all the times you made his meals, watched after him in times of illness, cleaned up after him and did his laundry. In other words, he has no consideration for all the generous things you've done for him.

When the topic arises again, remind him that what he brings to the marriage is more than a heftier paycheck —say, his own household duties and some of those random acts of love you appreciate so much.

At the same time, ask him if he appreciates your own actions, in these regards. If the discussion is a compliment and not a complaint, he'll follow your lead, and you'll get what you really want: his expressed appreciation for all you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.