Dear John, I'm writing to ask for help in understanding the man in my life, "Carl." We date from a distance because of our careers. Understandably, I often have fears or insecurities, primarily because I long to hear the words "I love you" every now and then. When I was a child, we let our love be known with a hug or a simple "I love you." However, Carl was obviously raised in a family in which that was not said very much, if at all. He shows his love in many ways. It is his opinion that there is no need for him to express his affection, and thereby he does not meet this one need of mine.

I have mentioned this to Carl. At first it seemed to make a difference. It even became a bit of an inside joke for a while. But once again we have fallen into the routine of saying nothing. —Needing the Love Word in Nashville, Tenn.

Dear Love Word, I'm so glad that you acknowledge that what he does shows his love, and I thoroughly understand your need to hear those special words. They do make a difference. You asked him for it previously, and it worked. Let him know, once again in a non-demanding way, how much you appreciate hearing him say the words, "I love you."

This communication gap is not just about the contrast between his childhood and your childhood. It has just as much to do with the different thinking of men and women. A man thinks, "I don't have to repeat my name everyday. Why should I have to say 'I love you,' over and over again."

Simply letting him know that those words create a special response in your body, much the way he feels when he has done something, and others express their admiration of him. Explain to him that you are growing and changing every day, and hearing him express his love assures you that you hold a very special place in his heart.

Dear John, My boyfriend "Bill" is 24 years old. Like me, he has a very good job, and he is intelligent, fun and interesting. His problem is that he is a total control freak. He must have his way about everything. I can never make plans for us because he always has to change them at the last minute in order to put his "stamp" on them.

I don't like the way we always argue over small things. It makes me feel bad, although he always calls afterward, very sweetly, to apologize. The other day, I was at Bill's house and it was pouring down rain. I needed to take the bus home. I asked if I could borrow his umbrella, and he said no because it had "sentimental value." He would not drive me to the bus stop either. I ended up going into the rain, feeling as if he just didn't care about me. Later, Bill called to apologize and wanted to go to the movies the next day. This is not a really big deal, but it is the pattern of our relationship. Is there any chance that he may become more caring and empathetic? —Waiting for Change in Queens, N.Y.

Dear Waiting, From what you describe, Bill has the tendency to be thoughtless. Hopefully this periodically occurs to Bill, and that is what prompts his follow-up calls. As to his tendency to control the relationship, there is really nothing wrong with your partner wanting his own way, provided he is willing to recognize and respect your boundaries, which are in fact the basis of successful relationships. You need to realize that only you can set the boundaries that you need. Speak up when he is inconsiderate. If he won't back off, it's time to move on to someone who has the maturity to respect you and your feelings. You deserve nothing less.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.